Maxim Australia 2014-08

SAVE OFFLINE

GABI GRECKO GEOFFREY EDELSTEN’S GIRL GETS THE M A X I M MAKEOVER

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FREE GIANT POSTERS

CAN A SHARK SINK A BOAT? THE SCIENCE OF MOVIES

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT

WHISKY

WWW.MAXIM.COM.AU FACEBOOK/MAXIMAU TWITTER/MAXIM_AUS INSTAGRAM/MAXIM_AUS YOUTUBE/MAXIMAUSTRALIA

ERIC BANA HOW TO CREATE A HIT APP BUILD AN EMPIRE USING CUPS BACON BLOODY MARY THE HANGOVER HELPER ONE REALLY BIG ARM

AUGUST 2014 ISSUE 37

48  CIRCUS MAXIMUS P.12 Coverage from the MAXIM US Hot 100 shindig, how to make a mark in the video game industry, and using a hammer to improve the manners of those around you.  MAXIM MOUTH P.30 Eric Bana, star of Deliver Us from Evil, reflects on a life spent in the fast lane and making people laugh.

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 THE SCIENCE

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 GABI GRECKO

 JESSICA MOLLY P.78 Get to know the 23-year-old Sunshine Coast scorcher. Just don’t use the pick-up line, “Are you an official? Because you are officially giving me a boner.” She hates that one.

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 FOOD P.54 Billy Law is a prolific food blogger and photographer and ex-MasterChef contestant. Using some selections from his new book, Man Food, we’ve put together a three-course meal that’ll impress your bros next time they’re over.

 RATED P.84 Mastodon talk about collecting snow globes, writer-director Stuart Beattie shares his CV, local rapper Briggs gives us a tour of Shepparton, plus a full wrap-up of E3.

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 ASHLEY DIANA MORRIS P.60 As the new face of Guess Lingerie, the Canadian cutie is on the fast track to supermodel status.

 24 HOURS

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OF MOVIES P.70 Ever watched a movie and thought, ‘I wonder if I could use my foe’s guts as a rope?’ If so, seek help immediately, you sick f—k. Actually, before you do that, check out what our experts have to say about the realism (or complete lack thereof) in 10 classic movie scenes.

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P.36 Geoffrey Edelsten’s happy-go-lucky girlfriend, 24, helps us celebrate our third birthday (the gift for that year is leather, if you want to send us something) by busting out the big balloons.

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Four pages dedicated to delicious drinks: the first two feature cocktails using some refreshing, innovative ingredients; the latter two focus on things any self-respecting man should know about whisky.

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TO LIVE P.114 The littlest of the funnymen, Kevin Hart, rides along with the Grim Reaper.

MAXIM AUSTRALIA PHONE +612-7900-6786 MAIL PO Box 230, Double Bay NSW 1360 EMAIL [email protected] WEB www.maxim.com.au FACEBOOK www.facebook.com/maximau TWITTER www.twitter.com/maxim_aus INSTAGRAM @maxim_aus YOUTUBE youtube/maximaustralia

COVER PHOTO: WAYNE DANIELS

STUFF THAT KEPT US SANE THIS MONTH... SUPERMODELS, SNOW, AND A BIG, FARKIN’ CAKE

EDITORIAL EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Santi Pintado ([email protected]) ASSOCIATE EDITOR Daniel Steiner ([email protected]) ART DIRECTOR Luke Shaddock ([email protected]) GROOMING EDITOR Shonagh Walker MOTORING Bill Varetimidis GAMING & TECH Chris Stead STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER Wayne Daniels

Our cover star, flanked by Santi and photgrapher Wayne.

MAXIM Aus honchos Nat and Michael at the Hot 100 do.

Supermodel Candice Swanepoel and a kid from Middle-earth.

CONTRIBUTORS Adam Briggs, Bert Cason, Tom Crago, Ian Daly, Pete Ehemann, Nick Leftley, Adam Linehan, Stephanie Radvan, Ashley Ross, Myles Sgammotta, Dale Talde PHOTOGRAPHERS Nicolaas De Bruin, Sam Kaplan, Michele Luarita, James Macari, Angel Riley Photography, Harper Smith ILLUSTRATORS Eamo, Andy MacGregor ADVERTISING NATIONAL ADVERTISING MANAGER Drew Haywood ([email protected]) ACCOUNT MANAGER Lisa Sheerin ([email protected]) NUCLEAR MEDIA MANAGING DIRECTOR: Michael Downs MARKETING DIRECTOR: Natalie Downs

Thanks to In2ski Sydney for teaching us how to shred pow.

© 2014 Maxim Inc. The name "MAXIM" and the MAXIM logo are registered trademarks of Maxim Media Inc., and used under license by Nuclear Media. All rights reserved. The United States edition of Maxim is published monthly by Maxim Inc. 415 Madison Avenue, New York, NY 10017. For international publishing or licensing inquiries: [email protected]. CHAIRMAN AND CEO, BIGLARI HOLDINGS INC.: Mr. Sardar Biglari PRESIDENT, MAXIM INC.: Mr. Ben Madden

MAXIM WORLDWIDE BRAND LICENSING The world’s happiest man, Luke, with a slice of rainbow cake.

Aussie sharpshooter Patty Mills became an NBA champ in June.

Sant put the ‘cock’ in ‘cockpit’ at Sydney’s Jet Flight Simulator.

INTERNATIONAL PUBLISHING MANAGER: Stephanie Marino INTERNATIONAL EDITORIAL DIRECTOR: Simon Clays SENIOR INTERNATIONAL OPERATIONS MANAGER: Pauline Lam INTERNATIONAL RIGHTS CO-ORDINATOR: Andrew Wynans

MEDIA NETWORK EDITORS IN CHIEF

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AUSTRALIA Santi Pintado

GERMANY Boris Etter

RUSSIA Sasha Malenkov

THAILAND Sirote Petchjamroansuk

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AUSTRIA Boris Etter

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Our mates at MAXIM US recently hosted their biggest and most sought-after, star-studded event of the year to honour 2014’s most beautiful women – their 15th Annual HOT 100 party – at the Pacific Design Center in West Hollywood, Los Angeles. With the Patron flowing freely at the open bar, MAXIM cigars on tap, fire twirlers, circus acts, random horses on the red carpet, a plethora of gorgeous girls, and much more… we were there to help celebrate the illustrious list in style. Guests included MAXIM US HOT 100 #1, South African supermodel Candice Swanepoel, along with Paris Hilton, Vin Diesel, Will.I.Am, Joanna Krupa, Bar Paly, Chris Brown, NBA superstar Blake Griffin, and rappers Drake and NAS. Let’s just say MAXIM Australia were just happy to be there despite not remembering anything the next day. Thanks for having us, guys! AUSSIE MAXIM GIRLS REPRESENT!

OUR EDITOR-IN-CHIEF, SANTI, CUDDLES UP TO CANDICE

VICTORIA’S SECRET MODEL, AND MAXIM US HOT 100 No.1, CANDICE SWANEPOEL WORKS THE RED CARPET

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MAXIM’S NATALIE & SHOE GUY STEVE MADDEN

BAR PALY

MODEL JOANNA KRUPA

WILL.I.AM

LACEY CHABERT LAURYN EAGLE WITH MAXIM’S MICHAEL & NATALIE

CANANDIAN HIP HOP DUDE, DRAKE

RAPPER T.I. LOOKING DAPPER

NBA STAR, BLAKE GRIFFIN WITH HIS FAVOURITE STALKER

PARIS HILTON & SOME CREEP

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A year ago Samantha Hoopes was holed up in her parents’ home. Today the 23-year-old is one of the hottest models in the world. What sparked her journey? Avoiding the nine-to-five. words: IAN DALY photos: JAMES MACARI

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Top Chromat Bikini bottom Beach Bunny Rings Sarah Chloe, Bijules Bracelets Jennifer Fisher

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hey’ll be gone in a few days,” Samantha Hoopes reassures me. We’re at a posh celebrity haunt in Beverly Hills, and I’m sitting on a windowsill listening to a supermodel apologise for her flaws, the stray blemish left behind by a recent facial. Flaws , in this case, is a relative term. She is one of the most beautiful women in the world, after all. But then, up until last year, this “supermodel” was crashing at her parents’ place in Doylestown, Pennsylvania (pop. 8,380) – aimless and uninspired. “I went to school for a couple of years, and then I had a boyfriend and he didn’t have a job, so we were just hanging out and doing nothing,” says the former business major. “That’s when my mum was like, ‘OK, this is getting ridiculous – you either get a nine-to-five or you model.’ And I was like, ‘Well, duh.’” Hoopes split for the City of Angels, and within two months she was following in the illustrious footsteps of Claudia Schiffer, Laetitia Casta, and Kate Upton as a Guess girl – her childhood dream come true. Then, just before Thanksgiving [the fourth Thursday of November], the 23-yearold landed coveted rookie status in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue . Practically overnight she’d checked off two of the most iconic boxes in the bombshell playbook. Victoria’s Secret: take note. “I did exactly what I set out to do,” says Hoopes, “thanks to him – this guy over here.” She is pointing to her agent, who at the moment is engrossed in a magazine. He is also the man

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responsible for her dinner tonight: a bowl of acai and granola, sitting half-eaten on a shelf. “Victor’s trying to make me healthy,” says Hoopes, whose natural dietary inclinations don’t exactly fit the supermodel mould. When I ask her what she misses most about home, she wastes no time: “I miss the cheesesteaks and breakfast sandwiches.” Her high school job was at a chocolate store, where she and her friends would throw parties in the back. “They have frozen bananas that you can dip in chocolate, and that’s all I would do,” she says, laughing. “I’d smoke a lot of weed, and then my friends would come – we’d all smoke and dip bananas and strawberries.” By the time we talk about her idea of a perfect date, I’m not surprised by the answer. “Food’s a good date for me,” she confesses, a smile spreading across her freckled face. “If I can get an appetiser, a salad, an entrée, a dessert, and a cappuccino, you stole my heart.” As her new vocation takes her farther than ever from home (and as mandated six-hour hair appointments and photo shoots in exotic locales become the norm), she’s adopted a mantra she plasters above her addictive Insta gram feed: “Nobody said it’d be easy; they just promised it’d be worth it.” Her last shoot in Nashville was gruelling, she says. The photo grapher was intense, her extensions fell out, and curtains of endless rain descended upon Music City. But Hoopes still brought it. On the last day, she went to a bar to kick back with the crew. “They asked me what I wanted to drink, and I had already taken, like, two shots of Fireball,” she recalls. “So I was like, ‘Just give me a cup of Fireball.’ And they gave me literally a cup of Fireball.” The next morning she was a mess – the last person to board her 5:30AM flight home. “It was bad. It was disgusting,” she says. “But it was worth it.”

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Bikini top Vitamin A Wetsuit Mikoh Jewellery Helen Ficolora

(previous page) Swimsuit Chromat Bracelet Ben Amun Ring Ioselliani Cuff Tom Binns Chain-link bracelet Albright Fashion Library

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STYLING: MICHELA BURATTI/ART DEPARTMENT; PROP STYLING: CHAD TUCKER/BELLE & COMPANY; HAIR: CONRAD DORNAN USING ORIBE/ART DEPARTMENT; MAKE-UP: CYNTHIA SOBEK, USING MAKE-UP FOREVER/ART DEPARTMENT; MANICURIST: DONNA D USING CHANEL LE VERNIS/ARTISTSBYTIMOTHYPRIANO.COM

C IR C U S M A X I M U S

We’d all smoke weed and dip strawberries in chocolate.

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ASK

If you’ve got a question you want answered, send it to us at: [email protected]

HOW DO SMUGGLERS GET COCAINE ACROSS THE US/MEXICO BORDER?

Are there any downsides to oral sex? It’s just so... dirty. — Richard Klean, via email

— ‘iluvcavitysearches’, via email Actually, there is one – and it’s a biggie. The sexless nerds at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore found some extremely depressing cancer study results from their research. Turns out that individuals with more than five oral sex partners in their lifetime are 250 per cent more likely to contract throat cancer than those who don’t perform oral sex at all. That kinda puts the “blow” in blowjob, doesn’t it?

Why do some guys get stage fright? — Wayne D., via email

Step 2:

Step 4:

Next, anything from shirts to pants to nappies are dipped into the solution and left to dry.

Step 1: Typically, using an industrial solvent, the crystalline tropane alkaloid better known as “cocaine” is first dissolved into a liquid form.

Step 3: Traffickers pack the loaded wares with a “clean” shipment, hiding the coked-up gear with standard stuff.

If the drugs can get past a CBP chromatograph mass spectrometer, which can detect the presence of an illicit hitchhiker, a lab on the other end uses a different type of solvent – acetone or similar – to extract the dried liquid cocaine and get it back into powder form.

So that’s how they do it in Bulgaria. Thanks, Slavena!!!

450 4 MILLION Unique monthly visitors to all porn sites, per Paint Bottle.

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Times as many visitors to porn sites per month than Amazon. Percentage of total Internet bandwidth used on porn.

ILLUSTRATION: EAMO

Dave Fluty, director of the US Customs and Border Protection Houston Laboratory, explained some of the sneaky tactics to us.

The failure to pee on cue – pauresis is the technical term – has nothing to do with penis envy, or anything mental, for that matter. It occurs when the pelvic floor – a group of muscle fibres and connective tissue – closes. It’s a bodily function you have no control over. Steven Soifer, PhD, CEO of the International Pauresis Association, recommends standing at the urinal and holding your breath for 30 seconds. “We still don’t understand why it works,” Soifer says. “But with those for whom it does work, it works 100 per cent of the time.”

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Get Into the Video Game Industry Tom Crago, owner and CEO of video game developer Tantalus, which turns 20 this year, details a rapidly changing industry that can rage with the best of them When I finished high school, I wanted to be an athlete. I decided university could be a good place to while away some time while I concentrated on training. I ended up staying for seven years, and by the end of it was neither an athlete nor particularly interested in any career connected to what I’d been studying [politics, law, and business]. I guess I thought I’d like to work in film or television. Then I met a guy in Adelaide who made video games. Our girlfriends had gone to kindergarten together, we all met for dinner one night, and not long after he offered me a job making games. Fairly standard stuff, at least in Adelaide...

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The initial challenge was surviving the onslaught. I’d only just finished up with athletics when I joined the industry and had barely touched a drink, let alone anything harder. My travel experiences were similarly limited, and at once I was thrust into this thrilling, frenzied world, with no lines between what was business and what was pleasure. That all of this was happening abroad only served to accentuate the excitement. It was a wild ride, and coincided with a golden era for the industry: the early-’00s. That’s my take on the era – others mightn’t agree – but there was a lot of money around the PlayStation brand and a pretty loose attitude generally.

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Now, I mostly run my studio, Tantalus, here in Melbourne. We make games for all the major platforms and have recently launched titles on Wii U and mobile. We made the MX vs ATV bike racing games for [Nintendo] DS and [Sony] PSP, as well as Need for Speed: Shift 2 Unleashed on iPhone. I’m also doing a PhD at the Victorian College of the Arts [part of the University of Melbourne]. The PhD is about art, video games, and philosophy, so that’s a good source of stimulation.

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For the full story, check out Tom’s book, Flashbacks from the Flow Zone, out now through Hardie Grant Books, RRP: $29.95.

Writing a book about your experiences has its moments. I always wrote stuff down, and the act of turning those notes into a set of stories was easy and extremely enjoyable. Transforming a collection of stories into something resembling a coherent book was a different proposition altogether, and actually a serious pain in the arse. And, of course, there’s stuff in the book that is somewhat salacious. Plus, I wrote about my friends, so it’s been mildly terrifying to see it released and to have that part of my life laid bare. Ultimately, though, it’s been rewarding. It’s good every now and then to take a plunge into the unknown.

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HOWTO:

Simulate this!: Jet Flight’s pilot, Saul, shows Tamika around his cockpit

TakeOff A Jet Plane Thanks to new actionthriller Non-Stop, starring Liam Neeson, and our mates at Jet Flight Simulator Sydney, MAXIM model Tamika gets a lesson in taking off. On a plane, that is, not her clothing, …

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SET UP AND START UP

There are an abundance of things to do before you start the engines on a jet airliner: everything from programming the flight management computer to pilot departure briefs. However, once all the predeparture checklists are done, the aircraft is pushed back and the engines are started. It’s just like your car, only with a few more switches and levers!

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APPLY TAKE-OFF THRUST

The pilots calculate how much engine power is needed for take-off, depending on the aircraft’s weight, wind, temperature, and weather conditions. This is then programmed into the flight management computer. When it’s time for take-off the thrust levers are pushed up to the predetermined setting and the aircraft starts hurtling down the runway.

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ROTATE

This is the fun part! It’s simply pulling back on the control column to get the aircraft pointing to the sky. This is where we defy gravity and take to the skies. Be careful not to pull back too quickly, as it’s possible to hit the tail on the ground, which is not a good thing. Panel beaters are hard to find at 30,000 feet!

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THE CLIMB OUT

We are now on our way. Now it’s about keeping the right attitude (the position of the nose of the aircraft relative to the horizon) and monitoring the power setting and speed until we Non-Stop , get to a safe starring Liam enough altitude Neeson, to engage is out now on Blu-ray, DVD, and the autopilot. Digital with Once this is UltraViolet done, it’s time for breakfast!

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HOWTO...

Create An App

PAUL LIN, 32, is the CEO of mobile agency Buuna. He worked as a major project manager for tech giant Oracle before returning to Australia to lift app industry standards. Buuna has worked with numerous major companies, so, if we may paraphrase 50 Cent, Paul’s put the app game in a chokehold. If you want to follow in his digital footsteps, pay attention

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LEGALITIES

A common mistake businesses make when coming up with a concept for an app is to overcomplicate things at first base. They want the app to be packed full of features, so it’s exciting or groundbreaking, with that “wow” factor. The first step in app development is to build the smallest possible design for the first version. Get back to the basics and pick one core feature, then test it, measure it, and re-do it. You can then keep adding to it and changing it, then testing again, re-doing, and testing again. It’s much easier to make improvements to a small, simple, focused first draft than a complex app that tries to achieve too many things.

Consider the platform you want to use for the app. A lot of businesses say they want an app for iPhones, iPads, tablets, and online on desktop computers but the development for each of these platforms is completely different. You need to come up with the design for one device first, keep the process short and cheap, and see how people respond. There’s no point putting out so many versions when there may be flaws in the initial app. Again, everything needs to be tested and measured, and it’s easier to do this with one basic app instead of multiple designs.

You need to have a reason for creating an app in the first place. Some businesses just want something cool for their customers or audience to interact with but it has to serve a purpose. You need to ask what it will add to your brand. Will it increase awareness or improve engagement? Why have you chosen a particular platform? Some businesses want their website just copied and pasted into an app but this is pointless, as the coding is different and a website will not fit into the app format – Apple won’t let it through. You’re better off analysing what your customers or audience would want to interact with and building a new app from scratch.

Developing an app can cost anything from a few thousand dollars to hundreds of thousands. There is no average price, so it’s always better to go in with a budget and the project can be scoped accordingly. You need to know your limitations and keep within them.

There are a lot of legalities involved in app design, so you’re best to explore your legal options and consulting with an expert before investing money into something you won’t be able to pull off. Sometimes there is a law that actually disallows something your app does and you won’t be able to make it. You need to consider how unique your idea is, or more importantly, how to implement or execute it. It’s the implementation part that makes it special. Other times, Apple won’t let you put it to market because it doesn’t meet their criteria. They take 30 per cent of all purchases, so won’t see the value in letting apps through they know won’t sell.

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THE WISDOM OF PAUL “When I was working on projects in the US, VC [venture capital] firms would always tell us, ‘It’s not about the idea. If you think you have an original idea, we probably heard it three years ago.’ It’s all about how you do it; the implementation takes precedence over the idea.”

THE WISDOM OF PAUL “We deal with a lot of corporates and enterprises, and they don’t want to spend a lot of money just chucking random stuff out there. We’ve had to take a step back and think about apps strategically: what makes a good one? What leads to them failing? How do you define and measure success? It’s not just about fun or what’s cool but what you’re trying to achieve with it.”

THE WISDOM OF PAUL “In general, people think of apps as toys or things to keep them amused. These days, on average, people are checking their phones every six minutes. We help businesses manage their mobile presence. And, with that stat I just mentioned, why aren’t they exposing people to their brand every six minutes?”

THE WISDOM OF PAUL “Clients often ask me, ‘How much does this (insert feature) cost?’ We can’t tell them. A feature can be implemented as simply or as complexly as you want it to be – it’s really about your budget and what your goals and targets are with the app. Again, it’s all about the overall strategic vision.”

THE WISDOM OF PAUL “The App Store is a lot more restrictive than you think. Having a good idea is one thing but making it work technically is another. You need to think of the App Store as Myer or Coles; they’re not going to put something in there that they don’t like or can’t sell. For example, they don’t have apps that support the downloading of torrents – Android does – because they want you to use iTunes.”

PAUL MAKES MAXIM AN APP We ran an idea past Paul… and he shut it down… then offered a way better, more fun solution Paul’s reaction to our app idea...

THE PITCH

WANT A JOB?

Because we’re sticklers for courtesy, it’s an app that discourages people from using their phones in certain social environments.

HOW IT WORKS 1

GPS/Alarm/FB check-in to activate it e.g. when you’re with friends, at dinner with family, on a date, in a meeting, etc.

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A noise indicates the phone is being used when it shouldn’t be and an alert is sent to your friends. Or something like that. Maybe the phone switches off automatically?

In terms of punishment/reward, there could be a points system that entitles you to something if you reach a certain number of points? Slight embarrassment/self-satisfaction isn’t quite enough to compel people to act. People need an incentive to use it besides good manners.

PROBLEMS  What if you get/need to make an urgent text or phone call?  What if your group wants to, say, take a photo together?  What is the point if there’s no strong (dis)incentive?

THE RESPONSE This idea is not technically feasible. Apple doesn’t like it when you do anything involving their core phone functionality. For instance, we can’t create an app that automatically shuts down a phone every time a call comes through, as that would basically be a virus if it were implemented in a confusing or unethical manner. Apple has actually built a wall around the call feature, so you can’t

“I have an engineering background. I went to UTS [University of Technology, Sydney], then to Stanford [the most selective university on America’s West Coast] to do my masters in computer science. I did that for about two years – it was very intense but very rewarding. After the Stanford experience I truly realised the importance of good engineers. If you apply for a job with us, the first thing that happens is you get given an exam that you have three hours to complete. It’s my Stanford final, which is really hard, but it ensures the applicant is technically competent. After you pass, then we can talk.”

access call logs, and you definitely can’t access the call log phone numbers because of security concerns. I had this stupid solution, but it’s fun: Phone Sheriff. Go to the App Store, pay $100 to download it, and we’ll send you a hammer. A badge appears when you activate the app, you put it in your shirt pocket, and, as the sheriff, you can smash the phones of people who take them out during dinner. Apple would obviously not allow that but it gets the point across!

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The Plumber Our new employee arrived, and suddenly everyone had to use the bathroom

So what was the issue here today? I was called in to snake some drains and drain some pipes – a pretty standard day of work. Did the staff feel embarrassed by the fact that a hot lady like you had to clean up their vile mess? A few editors were ner vous that I would judge them by the plumbing, but I told them not to worry – I’ve seen much worse. Do you think any of them may tamper with the plumbing system to get you back here? I have a feeling that might happen, but honestly, I don’t really mind!

Is that because the job pays well or because the staff are so charming? I’d have to say a bit of both. The guys were cool, but unfortunately I was so busy that I didn’t have any time to flirt. But I am single, so hit me up, boys!

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NAME Alison. BIRTHDAY February 13. FAVOURITE FOOD “Pizza – all day, every day.”

Do wanna be her monkey wrench

What’s the best way for a guy to get your attention? That’s easy: don’t stare at my chest! I know this uniform is a little revealing, but I do have a face. Duly noted. How do you unwind after a tough day of work? Nothing feels better than a hot, steamy shower. Honestly, do you ever get used to the mess? You know, I always say, “It’s a shitty job, but someone’s gotta do it!”

11AM And we never hired Mario and Luigi again. 3PM The world’s unluckiest toilet finally catches a break.

PHOTOS: BEN RITTER; HAIR & MAKE-UP: ANGELA DI CARLO USING NARS COSMETICS

5PM A few minutes later, he purposely clogged up the sink drain again.

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MA IM MOUTH

E R I C

The star of Deliver Us from Evil reflects on comedy, cars, and choosing roles where he dies How did you get here? Give us a brief rundown of your employment history. I had a lot of part-time jobs: stacking shelves in a supermarket, collecting trolleys, working in a onehour film replacement place, working in an ice cream store, folding jeans in my parents’ clothing store, washing cars, washing dishes at Denny’s, lifting 25kg plastic bags and putting them on a conveyor belt, driving as a courier... How did your gig on Nineties sketch series

Full Frontal come about? I was touring extensively and pretty established as a stand-up at the time. Full Frontal was casting and a mutual friend, a fellow stand-up named Glenn Robbins, who I knew really well, said, “You should audition for this show, I think it would really suit you.” I met the producer, did the audition, did a bit of mucking around, and he called me back and said, “Look, I’d love you to be part of the show.” It just went from there. It was the time of my life, too. The four or five years there

Raise the Bana: (Left) Can you believe Eric’s breakthrough role in Chopper was 14 years ago? (Above) And now he’s dealing with ghouls and possessed New Yorkers in Deliver Us from Evil (out July 24).

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were great fun and really rewarding from a creative point of view – just writing sketches and going off and doing them, then getting to do my own series for a year: six one-hour specials, which I am still really proud of. In Deliver Us from Evil you play Ralph Sarchie, a former New York cop who encountered all manner of weird shit. Do you believe in the supernatural? I wouldn’t loosely say yes or no to those things. It definitely opened my eyes, spending a lot of time with [the real] Ralph, and spending a lot of time with Scott [Derrickson, writer/ director], who knows more than I will ever know about this subject matter or genre. Was it intense on set? Working on a movie of this type, where the lighting is always scary, and there’s always something funky on the set, whether it’s an eviscerated cat or a crazy dog or a cross with a horse’s hoof nailed to it… you are always surrounded by these things, but it was a lot scarier back at the very beginning of the film. By the end, you’re so used to dealing with the subject matter, there is less that freaks you out. Tell us the story behind Love the Beast, your 2009 love letter doco to your 1974 Ford XB Falcon Hardtop.

It’s hard to articulate why I did that. I was f–cking mad, is what I was. It started out as a bit of a narrative idea, then it became a bit more of a soulful idea. It became more about trying to make it about the audience, rather than me and my car. It became about the passage of time, about choices we make in life, about things we discard. Whoa, deep. Are there any reviews of your performances that have made an impact on you? A guy wrote this long article on his observation and theory as to why I die so much in movies. I was just chuffed that anyone had noticed the fact I’d died so many times. Then again, a lot of the assumptions he made were completely wrong, like, there was some deep-down psychological conclusion that I didn’t really want to be a big movie star, so I deliberately choose characters who die, so I don’t become more famous. I was like, “Whoa!” I actually think it’s more about keeping it interesting for the audience, so that when they come and see one of my movies, there is some chance that I might die. I find that interesting. You don’t get a free ride when you go to one of my movies; you can’t say, “I know he’s going to be there when the credits roll.” I may not. Steve Nash

You don’t get a free ride when you go to one of my movies.

Deliver Us from Evil is out July 24

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C IR C U S M A X I M U S

Handy man Arm wrestler Matthias Schlitte holds eight German titles, 14 international titles, and is currently the Vice World Champion. He is also the official brand ambassador for AEG Powertools, who brought him to our offices for a convo and a beer, which he opened by hand (it wasn’t a twist top)

What’s your workout routine like? When I’m preparing for a tournament, it’s around two hours per day, six days a week. I do usual workouts at the gym but there are also special exercises, like hammer curls and one-armed pull-ups. In my basement I have a table that I’ve modified with ropes and baskets to simulate arm wrestling movements and pressures. Two times a week I go to my local arm wrestling group and beat the shit out of my friends. I’m 70kg but I will spar with the 120kg guys! What’s your proudest achievement so far? What I’m proudest of, besides the titles, is that I’ve been doing it for 10 years! It’s not normal that you stay in a sport where you don’t earn much money for a decade. That’s why it’s good to have someone like AEG Powertools, who flew me out here to Australia! Also, inspiring other people and being a good ambassador for the sport is a big thing for me. Well, your story is pretty inspiring. My right arm has a very rare genetic defect that affects the bone. It is not a normal arm but everyone has something they have to carry, and it’s up to you to make the most of it. Now, my right arm is 33 32

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per cent larger than my left, but I compare this situation to basketball players: just because you are 2m tall doesn’t automatically make you a good basketball player. So training and experience are important. What do you do when you’re not arm wrestling? I have a social science degree, a master’s in human resource management, and a law degree. I speak six languages, too. OK, that’s more languages spoken and non-TAFE degrees on the wall than all the Maxim staff combined. Tell us about recovering from injuries. Does it suck? As of 2009, I hadn’t had any big injuries… but then I suffered a very complex bone injury. I was consulting with different doctors and physiotherapists but they didn’t have any good solutions. I was thinking of surgery, but success wasn’t guaranteed, so I didn’t go through with it. Then I stopped working out. If you train for five years and

then suddenly stop, you feel really down. I didn’t arm wrestle for four months. When I returned, I started slow and competed in some small tournaments. Then I won five international tournaments in a row, so that made me feel good! Daniel Steiner

My right arm is 33 per cent larger than my left

Matthias attempts to get a bargain at the hardware store, then decimates our roidedup ad guy, Drew. That arm could stop traffic – like, for real.

C IR C U S M A X I M U S

One man, one cup Myles Sgammotta, founder of REDDS CUPS (chances are, you’ve drank from one), gives us a chronology of his beverage receptacle

YEAR 2 (2011)

CONCEPTION A hazy night at a house party in Mexico was what spawned the REDDS brand. A shisha was being passed around, and a red cup with an overly generous serving of tequila was in my hand. In terms of having one of those ‘light bulb moments’, the light bulb almost visibly appeared above my head…

After a lot of hard work, mixed with enough frat parties to make me feel like I was actually in a fraternity, Dan Murphy’s and BWS agreed to stock us nationwide. We were now able to get REDDS CUPS out to the whole of Australia, which sent a message about the power of the red cup to the national partygoing public.

Myles just wants to C-U-P

YEAR 3 (2012) The third year was all about Project X. The movie that celebrated the iconography of the red cup gave us more publicity, and more clients who wanted to host a Project X -themed party, than we could keep up with. Everyone wanted to party like a debaucherous teenager with a REDDS cup – and why not? The party in the movie is all-time!

YEAR 4 (2013)

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BIRTH

YEAR 1 (2010)

I arrived home from my travels three months later. I began digging through my previously lost-in-transit backpack and came across a forgotten napkin I had scrawled the words ‘red cup’ on that one crazy night in Guadalajara. I immediately got to work designing a red cup for the Aussie market: it was then that REDDS CUPS was born.

Waking up every day to a raft of emails from 18-year-olds more excited about the prospect of having red cups at their parties than their actual friends, the business began to grow rapidly – along with the fan base. We noticed that one in every four people ordering on our website also included beer pong balls with their cups, so we began throwing beer pong competitions – even sending the winners of our Adelaide comp to Las Vegas to compete in the prestigious World Series of Beer Pong (WSOBP)!

By our 4th birthday, REDDS had grown once again, doubling our distribution with the ranging at all Liquorland and First Choice Liquor stores across Australia. We also expanded our product range with some more world exclusives: our Blue cup, our 285mL Minis, and our Micros shot cups. Now, no matter what someone chose to drink, they could do it in a REDDS cup…

YEAR 5 (2014) We have now sold over 20 million cups to the Australian party people. We fostered the rise of the frat party theme and the beer pong craze, and we’re currently working on more products and events.

T H E

G IF T

P H O T O S :

She’s been making headlines around Australia as

Geoffrey Edelsten’s new girlfriend, and now DJ, fashion designer, and model

Gabi Grecko wants you to enjoy our special third birthday issue, which she helps celebrate with this super-sexy shoot

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WAY N E

O F

D A N I E L S

T H E

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C ongrats on your first MAXIM cover, Gabi. How do you feel? Fantastic. I loved working with the MAXIM Australia team. The shoot had a creative, sexy feel and I love the final product. I’m proud and honoured to be part of MAXIM Australia, especially since you are celebrating your third birthday issue… with me on the cover! What made you want to do this shoot? I thought it would help show Australia what I’m capable of as a model. A lot of people think modelling is just standing there and looking pretty but it isn’t. It’s a lot of holding poses for long periods of time in extreme body positions. This is your first men’s mag shoot, right? Yes. I’ve done so much fashion stuff – I thought it was about time I gave the guys some attention. How would you describe the theme of the shoot? Celebratory. Besides being sexy, I hope this makes people smile and be happy because it really has that feel to it. This shoot was done a week after my actual birthday so it was just a continuation of the celebrations. I felt as though I got to celebrate my birthday with MAXIM. It was quite cool. What was your favourite part of the shoot? The cake! I made a point of requesting a big cake, since it was the special birthday issue. I ate cake, smashed cake, kissed cake, and blew out candles. 38

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Now that’s what I call a party! What’s the best birthday you’ve ever had? South Beach, Miami! Before I moved to Manhattan I always went to South Beach for my birthdays. One year we went when LIV [nightclub] had just opened and, well... we had fun. The kind of fun you almost don’t remember but you know happened. We went all-out and there was much tequila and illegal beach camping – we had a hotel but couldn’t quite locate it after all the partying. Yeah that’s how we do it in Florida. Don’t even get me started on Spring Break! Does it involve you in your birthday suit? Honestly, if I could, and if people weren’t such creeps, I would be naked all the time. I feel very comfortable in my own skin. Since owning my own apartment, I’m naked in that bitch all the time. I cook naked. Wait, I don’t really cook, but I walk to the fridge naked. I phone people naked. I work out naked. I watch Seinfeld naked. Everything is naked. Is this when you feel your sexiest? I feel sexy when I’m either stripped to the bare essentials – white tank top, jeans, no make-up, no bra – or if I’m totally sexed-up: full make-up, sexy dress, my “vamp look”. Being our third birthday, what three things are essential at any birthday party? Tequila, killer music, and party favours. By party favours, I mean maybe a piñata [laughs]. What does your man, Geoffrey Edelsten, think about this shoot? I sent him a few shots during the shoot and he called me saying he was the luckiest man alive. He is so great. How did you meet Geoff? We were both at the Lincoln Center, in New York, for music-related meetings. I had

my orange locks on and he had a shiny Swarovski-ed suit. We had a chance encounter and struck up a conversation. When he said he wasn’t dressed up for any particular occasion I knew then he was the one. I myself wear ball gowns around the house. We’re perfect for each other and he’s so sweet and funny. I just love the guy. How are things going with him? We both have different schedules and our own goals during each day but we spend as much time as possible together. It’s fun sharing personal triumphs with one another – we both make one another very proud. We are a perfect match. Nothing is forced and it just feels right and I miss him terribly when he’s gone too long. What do you love most about him? His patience. I love that he’s really in this for good and is

willing to get over any hurdle we encounter. I can really tell he loves me, cares about what’s important to me, and I really respect him. Sounds like a real gentlemen. Does he have any bad habits? He leaves tissues everywhere. Large amounts. I’m like, “Babe, where do you get all these tissues?” I never see him buy them! He just has this unlimited supply that is kind of cute and funny in an odd way. Sounds like the MAXIM office. What did Geoff get you for your birthday? He bought me turntables. I needed new ones and they are spectacular. It shows me he believes in me and supports my career as a vinyl DJ. You currently live with Geoff in Melbourne. Any plans to move to Australia permanently? I definitely would, and am

I PRETENDED TO STRIP ON A RANDOM P O L E AT THE CHURCH (opening spread) LINGERIE: Kardashian Kollection Intimates Set (available at Mary Holland); HEELS: Christian Louboutin

(opposite page) BRA: Chantal Thomass; BOTTOMS: Marlies Dekkers (both items available at Haus of Heidi)

CAMP DANCE. TH AT WA S A LITTLE N AU G HT Y, WITH GOD THERE AND ALL.

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planning to stay here permanently, so you should be seeing a lot more of me! I just have to put my poor cat, Baby Kitty, through quarantine and I don’t think either one if us is looking forward to that. Geoff and I already have our schedules pretty much in sync. So, besides cash, what’s he got that no other Aussie man has? Backbone. I think he’s totally a go-getter. If he wants something he goes for it. Just like me. Did I mention he’s a great dresser? Always impressing me with that. And he’s a gentleman. I’ve dated some high profile people, you know, but personalitywise and everything else-wise they don’t compare to Geoff. How do Australian men differ to their American counterparts? Australian men seem to be a little old fashioned as far as courtship goes, and I like it. I like to be sought after and told I’m wanted. It means a lot. Where do guys go wrong when it comes to women? Wearing bad cologne. Haha! I think they go wrong thinking they can figure out a girl after one date. Most women are really guarded and don’t let their guards down till they really either like, know, or trust a guy. Sometimes girls can come across as standoffish but it’s really a form of self-protection. Coming from a girl who’s lived on her own and been single for two years, you have to guard your heart to survive out there – not just anyone can have it. Do a lot of men find you intimidating? Well, the good ones probably do, because the guys who usually approach me are

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I ATE C A K E , SMASHED CAKE, KISSED CAKE, AND BLEW OUT CANDLES. NOW

TH AT ' S WH AT I CALL A PART Y!

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SWIMSUIT: Agent Provocateur; CUFFS: Rachel Zoe (available at Pierre Winter)

the strange, creepy ones; they’re overconfident and wear bad cologne. If you were single, how would you suggest a guy approach you? Genuinely make a respectful compliment, try to start small talk, and suggest maybe coffee in the future. I will definitely let a guy know if I’m interested, after he gives me his number. What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done? I smoked cigarettes at a church camp in my teenage years and also pretended to strip on a random pole at the church camp dance. That was a little naughty, with God there and all. Describe a normal day for Gabi Grecko. I wake up, drink a very strong coffee, and wait for it to kick in. Then I drink green tea, which I do about five times a day, do my morning yoga while listening to either Aerosmith, Seinfeld, or explicit rap. Then I practice a few DJ sets on my turntables or I try to pull inspiration from different fashion magazines for my fashion line, Avant Vamp. How did you come up with your DJ moniker, DJ Gigi Vamp? I chose Vamp because I do a very sexy voice with Parisian music before all my sets. My clothing line is called Avant Vamp and I wear my line whenever I DJ. I think every woman has a vamp in them. For my DJ sets I keep it old school: two decks and all vinyl. You can produce entire songs on vinyl samples and I intend on making a lot of music, with a sexy French/vamp feel. What song is sure to get you on the dance floor? Prince’s “I Wanna Be Your Lover” or “Close to Me” by The Cure.

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I PHONE PEOPLE NAKED, I WORK OUT N A K E D, I WATCH

SEINFELD NAKED... TOP: Vintage Top (available at Zoo Emporium); HEELS: Agent Provocateur

EVERYTHING IS NAKED.

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What’s the worst rumour you’ve read about yourself? That I don’t really love Geoff. This breaks my heart, but we have nothing to prove. Open-minded people will understand just how much we care about one another. I have faith in people. What would you say to the gossip writers responsible for this stuff? If they really got to know me, they wouldn’t need rumours. I have stories that are awkward, funny, good, and bad. I’ve actually had quite an interesting life thus far and consider myself to be talented – at least sort of – so there’s no need for fabrication. If given the chance, I have a lot to offer openminded people and the press. Where do you see yourself in five years? Happier than ever. I have a lot going on right now, from my DJing to fashion designing to my character education program called C.A.R.E 2 Unite. C.A.R.E stands for Compassion, Acceptance, Respect and Expression. I created this in 2008 and have decided because of recent media bullying I have experienced I want to bring this programme to Australia. I hope to have all these going at a hundred miles an hour. More importantly, I see myself getting married, under the Eiffel Tower, to Geoff and living happily ever after!

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I’VE DONE SO MUCH FA SHION S T U F F, I T H O U G H T IT WAS ABOUT TIME I GAVE THE GUYS S O ME AT TE NTI O N .

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GEOFFREY AND I ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. HE’S SO SWEET A ND F U NN Y. I J US T LOV E THE G U Y.

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WORDS: SANTI PINTADO; PHOTOS: WAYNE DANIELS; HAIR & MAKE-UP: ALI PAVLINOVICH; STYLING: ELLE PERRING

Status Update NAME: Gabriele Grecko. HOMETOWN: Winter Park, Miami. BIRTHDAY: June 5, 1990. FIVE-WORD SELFDESCRIPTION: “Persistent, curious, fearless, compassionate, vampy.” BEST ASSET: “My metabolism. I’ve always had a fast metabolism, which helps a lot in modelling. I can sneak some sugar in there and get away with it. Oh, and I think I have a great ass.” WORST ASSET: “I’m extremely uncoordinated when it comes to sports. I can dance, but freestyle only – nothing choreographed.” HOBBIES: “DJing, fashion design, yoga, poker, Seinfeld, studying Latin.” HIDDEN TALENT: “I’m a writer at heart. I can write poetry and am clever with words.” FAVOURITE TV SHOW: “Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm.” PERFECT DATE: “Caviar Russe [New York restaurant] on Madison Avenue, then back home to cuddle and watch Seinfeld.” FAVOURITE DRINK: “Pineapple Juicy (vanilla vodka and pineapple juice) or a double shot of Patrón XO Café.” TWITTER: @gabigreckovamp INSTAGRAM: @gabi_grecko

G-STRING: Marlies Dekkers (available at Bras N Things)

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2015 DODGE VIPER GTS This fifth-generation snake pays homage to the 1992 original with similar OTT bulging fenders and supermodel hips, albeit with 2014 performance and tech. Although somewhat refined, the roar from the ten pistons and the feel of 813Nm of torque would rattle the Richter scale. Thankfully, there are enough electronic helpers onboard to save any driver from any quake it might make.

Even though it is technically a production car, it is very much rooted in race car royalty, which means to properly push the Viper around a turn or track you have to make like an oil plunderer and dig deep. Aerospace technology helps shed 70kg from the previous model, but it’s not just the NASA know-how that does the trick; the driver-adjustable DampTronic shocks transform it into a full-blown track terror

THE AERO-X CONCEPT Aerofex intends on having a personal hoverbike available by 2017 (first flights are scheduled for 2016) at a price of $85,000. Learning from hoverbike concepts from the 1960s, Aerofex engineers fixed previous stability issues with a new mechanical system that allows better response from the pilot’s natural balance. Unlike the Aussie-

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invented Malloy Hoverbike, which can fly above 3km, the Aero-X’s top altitude is only 3m – that’s good, because you won’t need a pilot’s licence to commandeer it. Despite being a low-flying sport utility vehicle, Mark De Roche, the company’s founder, says, “Its unique capabilities make it suitable for disaster relief and search and rescue.” The company is already taking $5k deposits.

and helps it keep up with factory fasties like the Nissan GT-R, Chevrolet Corvette Z06, and Porsche 911 Turbo. We all know Vipers never score highly in the interior quality department, and even though the hand-wrapped leather interior resembles that of a Ferrari 599 Superamerica, comfort does tend to take a back seat. Not that there is a back seat.

SPEC CHECK ENGINE

8.4L V10 TRANSMISSION

SIX-SPEED MANUAL POWER

477KW TOP SPEED

2015 FERRARI CALIFORNIA T

ENGINE

331KM/H 0-100KM/H:

11.8 SEC FUEL CONSUMPTION

15.7L/100KM

WORDS: BILL VARETIMIDIS

$136,080

SPEC CHECK 3.8L TWIN-SCROLL TURBO V8

The T (for Turbo) is the first road Ferrari to be engineered with a turbocharger since the legendary F40 in 1987. But the bigger interest, especially for Aussies, is the price – reduced by $50,000 to be on par with the Audi R8 V10 and Porsche 911 Turbo. Its 3,855cc V8 is super-compact and tucks its turbos low down – good for 417kW output. To ensure it sounds right, it has a pair of complex (expensive) exhaust manifolds to produce in sync harmonies. Ferrari Australasia president and CEO Herbert Appleroth says California owners travel 30 per cent further than other Ferrari owners and use their vehicles 50 per cent more. Estimates also placed you 5,000 per cent poorer than said owners.

TRANSMISSION

DUAL-CLUTCH SEVENSPEED AUTOMATIC POWER

417KW TOP SPEED

316KM/H 0-100KM/H

3.6 SEC FUEL CONSUMPTION

10.5L/100KM

$409,880

THE PUREONIC CONCEPT The purEonic concept is that rare machine: a sexy, eco-friendly coupe. Designer Henri F. von Freyberg had a simple idea: good looks and green qualities. Using sustainable, lightweight materials, his vision for the body was for it to be composed of an advanced yet sustainable composite plastic – something that would stay sturdy at 650kg. By mixing the futuristic with the biopunk, he also imagined the chassis as a bionic extension of the driver, using something called bionical optimising i.e. you + car = robocar. With all-electric drive, each wheel will be powered by four electric engines (as weill the suspension system and disc brakes), while the rechargeable battery will have two parts (front and rear) to get that allso-important power-toweight ratio just right.

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MACHINES 2015 FORD FPV GT F

SPEC CHECK ENGINE

You’re looking at the best performing vehicle to ever use a Falcon platform. It should sell huge, be sought out the world over, and loved by its owners as much as they are legally allowed. It should… but it won’t. This is because the GT F will be the final FPV model and the final high-performance Falcon before Ford Australia call it quits on production in 2016. Power-wise, the blown Miami 5.0L V8 carries boasts 351kW (with the assistance of ECU tweaks); given the right conditions, that number can blow out to well over 400kW once the overboost function is utilised. Visually, it spits hot fire, with a sweet racing stripe dividing the bonnet, roof, and boot. This, together with the 19in alloys and numbered build plaque make it an all-over GT package, and one that (unfortunately) most Aussie muscle car collectors will see as an investment, doomed to sit in greasy garages and machine museums.

5.0L SUPERCHARGED V8 TRANSMISSION

SIX-SPEED AUTOMATIC POWER

351KW TOP SPEED

299KM/H 0-100KM/H

4.6 SEC FUEL CONSUMPTION

13.6L/100KM

164,400

Thanks to the German geniuses at BASF, the world’s largest chemical company, the Smart Forvision is not just a concept but a really expensive, ultra lightweight experiment. While solar cells located on the roof capture light, the transparent organic dyes react to produce the power that runs the multimedia system, climate control, and cigarette lighter – even when the moon’s out. While all that’s happening, a non-metallic film reflects infrared rays to reduce heat in the cabin. Carbon fibre doors and the tridion passenger roll cage cuts weight by 50 per cent compared to steel.

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WORDS: BILL VARETIMIDIS

THE SMART FORVISION CONCEPT

MACHINES SPEC CHECK

2015 APRILIA TUONO V4 R

ENGINE

999.6CC LIQUID-COOLED, DOHC, V-FOUR TRANSMISSION

SIX-SPEED WET CLUTCH POWER

125KW DRY WEIGHT

183KG SEAT HEIGHT

835MM FUEL CAPACITY

18.5L

$21,490

You can forgive Aprilia for getting lazy with their latest ‘Tuono’ (Italian for thunder). Their model already has booming power, handling, and brakes, so the latest revision – the first since the previous generation in 2011 – only needed a few tech tweaks. Looks are deceiving, but there are some serious electronic brains behind those balls – namely, a rideby-wire system that can detect the circumference of the tyres, and the traction control, which determines a corner’s radius and adjusts the degree of permitted tyre slip accordingly. While all traction and ride modes can be changed on the go, ABS and launch control have to be changed while grounded. Speaking of grounded, unless you’re vertically challenged, it is possible to get both feet on the road, despite the 835mm seat height. The fully adjustable Sachs suspension and alloy frame make crappy surfaces look cosy, even at demon speeds.

2015 KAWASAKI KLX150L

SPEC CHECK ENGINE

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TRANSMISSION

FIVE-SPEED CHAIN POWER

8.6KW CURB WEIGHT

115KG TOP SPEED

100KM/H

$4,899

WORDS: BILL VARETIMIDIS

Those expecting to go Nitro Circus on Kawasaki’s new KLX150L best pay attention to the model’s last letter: the ‘L’ is for Learner. As in, it’s a learnerapproved, dual-purpose motorcycle that will get you from A-to-B on the cheap, with the option of riding to C (off-road) on the sly. Even though it is being marketed as an urban warrior, its larger, motocross-sized front and rear wheels still allow it to handle any off-road shenanigans thrown its way. Also, fuel economy is outstanding.

144CC AIR-COOLED, TWOVALVE, FOUR-STROKE, SINGLE-CYLINDER

Food Law, to order

Billy Law is a prolific food blogger and photographer and ex-MasterChef contestant. Using some selections from his new book, Man Food, we’ve put together a three-course meal that’ll impress your mates next time they’re over

Man Food by Billy Law is out August 1 through Hardie Grant Publishing. RRP: $39.95.

ENTRÉE MAKES 10

Spicy Beer & Maple Candied Bacon Forget corn chips, this is the ultimate beer snack! But make sure you save some for the Bacon Bloody Mary recipe… INGREDIENTS  11g firmly packed soft brown sugar.  60mL maple syrup.  60mL beer.  ½ teaspoon cayenne pepper.  10 streaky bacon slices, cut in half.

METHOD  Preheat the oven to 200ºC. Line a baking tray with foil, then place a wire rack on top. Stir the sugar, syrup, beer, and cayenne pepper in a bowl until the sugar has completely dissolved into a thick syrup.  Brush the bacon on both sides with the syrup, arrange on the wire rack, then bake for 10 minutes. Remove from the oven, brush the bacon again with the syrup on both sides. Pop it back in the oven and cook for a further 10 minutes.  Repeat the process a few more times until the bacon is crisp and browned.  It should take about 40 minutes.  Remove from the oven and cool on the wire rack to harden. Serve as a snack.

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MAIN

MAKES 8

Pork Meatball Bánh Mi Unless you’ve been living in a cave, the Vietnamese baguette, also known as bánh mi, has become one of the most popular ‘mandwiches’ around. Here’s a simple version of bánh mi using Vietnamesestyle pork meatballs sandwiched inside a crusty bread roll, with pickles and a spicy Sriracha mayo.

INGREDIENTS

Pork meatballs

 Oil, for frying.  8 individual baguettes.  Sriracha mayo, to serve.  Handful of sliced jalapeño chillies, to serve.  Handful of coriander (cilantro) sprigs, to serve.

 500g minced (ground) pork.  3 spring onions (scallions), green part only, finely chopped.  15g finely chopped basil.  4 garlic cloves, finely chopped.  2tbsp fish sauce.

 1tbsp Sriracha chilli sauce.  1tbsp sugar.  1tbsp cornflour.  2tsp white pepper.  2cm piece of fresh ginger, grated.  1tsp sesame oil.  1tsp salt.

Asian pickles

Sriracha mayo

 2 carrots, julienned.  1 small (about 200g) daikon (white radish), julienned.  60mL unseasoned rice vinegar.  55g caster (superfine) sugar  1tsp salt.

 150g mayonnaise.  1tbsp Sriracha chilli sauce. Mix together in a bowl, cover, and refrigerate until it’s ready to be used.

METHOD  Line a tray with plastic wrap. To make the meatballs, mix all of the ingredients in a large bowl, using hands to squeeze the minced pork until it is smooth and sticky.  Roll tablespoonfuls of the mixture between the palms of your wet hands into balls and place on the prepared tray. Cover the meatballs with plastic wrap and chill in the refrigerator.  To make the Asian pickles, mix all of the ingredients in a bowl. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least one hour but no longer than six hours.  Preheat the oven to 150ºC. Heat 1cm of oil in a frying pan over a medium-high heat. In batches, fry the meatballs until browned all over and cooked through, about five-toeight minutes. Place the cooked meatballs on a baking tray and keep warm in the oven. Repeat with the

remaining meatballs.  To assemble, slice the baguettes horizontally and split in half. Hollow the bread out slightly by pulling some bread off to make space for the fillings. Squeeze or spread the Sriracha mayo liberally on both sides of the bread. Put the jalapeños on one side with a few sprigs of coriander then top with the meatballs. Drain the pickled vegetables and place over the meatballs. Press the top of the bread down and sandwich everything together.

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Food

DESSERT

MAKES 35 – 40

S’more Cookies Although these might not look like the prettiest cookies around, these little baked goods will knock your socks off! A soft and chewy chocolate cookie with stretchy marshmallow inside – need I say more?

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INGREDIENTS

METHOD

 250g plain flour.  40g unsweetened cocoa powder.  1tsp bicarbonate of soda.  Pinch of salt.  460g caster sugar.  300g unsalted butter, softened.  2 eggs.  1tsp vanilla extract.  100g dark chocolate chips.  50g minimarshmallows.

 Preheat the oven to 200ºC. Line two large baking trays with baking paper. Sift the flour, cocoa, bicarbonate of soda, and salt into a large bowl.  Beat the sugar and butter using an electric mixer on medium-high speed until light and pale. Turn the speed to medium-low and add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition until fully incorporated. Add the vanilla extract and beat to combine.

 Turn the speed down to low, and fold the flour mixture into the batter until it forms a wet dough. Turn the mixer off, and fold the chocolate chips and marshmallows into the dough using a spatula.  Scoop heaped teaspoonfuls of cookie dough, roll them into balls, and place on the prepared trays,

spacing about 10cm apart. Bake for eightto-nine minutes or until just cooked through but still soft in the middle. Remove the cookies from the oven and let them rest for 10 minutes or until cool enough to handle. Transfer the cookies to a wire rack and let cool completely. Store in an airtight container.

AND TO DRINK

MAKES 1

Bacon Bloody Mary For me — and most of us — the ultimate hangover cure has long been a breakfast big on bacon, with a tall, spicy Bloody Mary. This tomato juice-and-vodka-based cocktail has been dubbed the world’s most complex, as its ingredients are more akin to a soup than a cocktail. But why stop there? This is the ultimate hangover cure in one glass.

INGREDIENTS

Bacon-infused vodka

 Ice.  1 shot of baconinfused vodka (see right).  250mL tomato juice.  Juice of ½ lemon.  1tsp Worcestershire sauce.  1 – 2 dashes of hot sauce, such as Tabasco.  Pinch of freshly ground black pepper.  1 slice of Spicy Beer & Maple Candied Bacon (see ‘Entrée’).  1 celery stalk.

 4 slices of Spicy Beer & Maple Candied Bacon.  750mL bottle of vodka.

the lid on tight, refrigerate, and infuse until the vodka reaches an infusion level to your liking, from three days up to one week.  Place a piece of muslin Celery salt (cheesecloth) over a  10 – 12 celery leaves. sieve and drain the vodka  Olive oil spray. through the sieve into a  35g sea saltflakes. clean jug. Do this twice to get rid of as much bacon METHOD fat in the liquid as possible.  Make the baconUsing a funnel, pour the infused vodka a infused vodka back into week ahead. Put the the bottle and keep it candied bacon in a chilled in the refrigerator. large, clean, sterilised  To make the celery salt, jar with a lid, then preheat the oven to 180ºC. fill it with the vodka Lay the celery leaves on (keep the original a baking tray in a single bottle), making sure layer, spray with some oil, all of the bacon is fully and sprinkle with the salt. submerged. Screw Bake for 10 minutes, or until the celery leaves are dry. Remove, and let cool.

Grind the celery leaves and salt together using a mortar and pestle until they resemble green sand. Tip this out onto a small plate ready for dipping the rim of the glass.  To make the Bloody Mary, wet the rim of a glass with water then dip it in the celery salt and set aside.  Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice, add the infused vodka, juices, sauces, and pepper. Cap and shake to chill. Pour into the glass. Garnish with the candied bacon and celery stalk.

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FOOD HOW TO

Make a Hangover Helper

Top Chef alum Dale Talde’s breakfast burger will heal your hurt

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Ranking Your Morning-After Meal Dietitian Jaclyn London breaks down this booze-buster’s ingredients, from most hangover-healthy to least 1

Eggs “Their high cysteine content helps break down acetaldehyde, the headachecausing chemical that’s left over when the liver breaks down the booze.”

2

Ketchup “Tomatoes are full of antioxidants like lycopene and vitamin C, and they prevent free-radical damage in bodily cells, thus protecting tissues from damage caused by alcohol.”

3

Hash Browns “Drinking causes loss of fluids and electrolytes. These crispy snacks may help to rehydrate from a more natural sugar source while restoring fluidelectrolyte balance.”

4

Beef Patty “Beef is packed with B vitamins, like thiamine and niacin – necessary cofactors for metabolic processes.”

5

Cheese “Cheese is potassiumrich, but its high fat and sodium content can worsen the dehydrating effects of alcohol.”

6

Bacon London ranked it last, but a UK scientist found its protein breaks down into amino acids, which replenish neurotransmitters lost after an epic night of boozing.

PHOTO: SAM KAPLAN; FOOD STYLIST: KAREN EVANS/APOSTROPHE

Meet the Destroyer, a wonderfully greasy gut bomb built to banish your hangover to hell. “After a night of drinking, the first thing I look for is classic breakfast food or a burger,” says chef Dale Talde. “With this you get the best of both worlds. It’s also stupid easy to make – and eat.” Talde – a co-owner of Brooklyn’s Pork Slope and his namesake eatery, Talde – dreamed up the coronaryinducing Destroyer by crowning a juicy beef patty with a fried egg, thick-cut bacon, American cheese, and ketchup, all lovingly sandwiched between two golden hash browns. Because, really, who needs bread?

AS THE FACE OF GUESS LINGERIE,

IS ON THE FAST TRACK TO SUPERMODEL STATUS

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ost women don’t become the face of one of the sexiest brands in the world thanks to a chance encounter at a country music concert. But that’s exactly what happened to stunning 25-year-old Ashley Diana Morris. Now the Canadian cutie joins a long list of gorgeous Guess girls, from Claudia Schiffer to Kate Upton. Our guess? You will fall for her instantly.

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Take charge in the bedroom. Don’t be afraid to throw me around a little. I won’t break, I promise.

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Tell us a bit about yourself, Ashley Diana Morris. I grew up in Toronto, Canada and went to university for journalism and theatre. I had roles in a few TV shows in Canada and eventually made the move to Vancouver, where I was spotted by a photographer. Soon after, I was shooting with Guess and travelling the world. How you were discovered. It sounds like a cliché, but about two years ago I was at a [country music performer] Dierks Bentley concert in Vancouver, and this woman came up to me after the show and asked if I’d ever modelled before. I hadn’t. It turns out she was a photographer who works with Guess, and she arranged for me to fly to LA for a test shoot. It seems crazy that no one had approached you about modelling before. I’d always been really focused on school and working toward a career. I have a degree in English theatre, and when I was discovered I actually had a regular nine-to-five job in media and public relations, which I liked. But to go from that to this… I mean, I’m still pinching myself! Were you nervous during the test shoot? Posing half-naked in a room of 30 people was certainly a bit of a shock! I’m way more comfortable now. How did your family and friends react when you signed on for the Guess campaign? It was really exciting for everybody in my circle, but also a little strange. I didn’t know anyone in this industry before I started, so the fact that people can see me in my underwear on the Internet is still weird.

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Status Update HOMETOWN: Scarborough, Ontario, Canada. BIRTHDAY: December 7, 1988. FIVE-WORD SELFDESCRIPTION: “Sexy, silly, honest, kind, and adventurous.” HOBBIES: “I’m a pretty outdoorsy girl, so I do a lot of biking, hiking, and kayaking.” MASTER CHEF: “I’m pretty talented in the kitchen – my spicy spaghetti and meatballs is amazing… so I’ve been told.” TWITTER: @ashleydmorris INSTAGRAM: @ashleydianamorris

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Did you suddenly get a lot of e-mails from old flames? Ha! I did get a lot of Facebook messages from everyone and I spent so much time responding to all of them! I think the stereotype of Canadians being overly nice and polite is true. What do you love most about your body? I love my breasts and my smile. Sometimes my 32Ds get in the way and cost me modelling jobs but they are pretty fun to carry around. When do you feel sexiest? I feel really sexy when I am in a pair of high heels, rocking a tight, fitted dress... or in nothing at all.

WORDS: STEPHANIE RADVAN & SANTI PINTADO; PHOTOS: NICOLAAS DE BRUIN

Tell us a secret about yourself. I had a nipple piercing when I was in high school that my parents definitely didn’t know about. I got dared to do it. If anyone is thinking about it, I highly recommend not to! The worst pain I have ever felt! And no, it is not pierced anymore. How do you relax? I love nice red wine, and some of my favourites come from Australia – the Barossa Valley puts out a killer shiraz! A glass of wine, a bubble bath, and a good book. That is a perfect relaxing evening for me. Oh, and an amazing dinner cooked by a very sexy guy wouldn’t hurt, either! Describe your ideal man. A confident, funny, manly man. I like a real man who will wrap me up in his arms and make me feel protected. And he has to be a good kisser – the passion is a must!

kiss my forehead, put my hair behind my ear, and whisper how sexy I am. Listen when I am talking and pay attention to me. Last, but not least, take charge in the bedroom. Don’t be afraid to throw me around a little. I won’t break, I promise. What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done in your life? My parents aren’t going to read this, right? I joined the mile high club on an overnight flight but that’s a story for another time.

Sometimes my 32Ds get in the way and cost me modelling jobs but they are pretty fun to carry around.

Speaking of travelling, what comes to mind when you hear ‘Australia’? Beautiful! I have heard the most amazing things about it and can’t wait to visit one day. I hope to make my way over in the next year or two. I just need a good tour guide. Any volunteers? Sure! Where we headed? I would love to see the Great Barrier Reef, ride the trams in Melbourne, watch – and figure out – the sport you call “footy”. It’s crazy that the fellas don’t wear any pads, like they do in American football.

Where do men go wrong with women? I don’t even know where to start! I promise, women are really not that complicated. At the end of the day we just want to feel wanted and sexy and beautiful. Make me feel like I’m the most interesting, beautiful woman in the world, MAXIM.COM.AU

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Bar WIP It Good Pete Ehemann, Head Bartender at Sydney’s Work in Progress (WIP) bar, shares some enlivening cocktail recipes

Speakeasy Mandarin PETE SAYS

METHOD

“This is a nod to the speakeasy style of dive bar that came into existence during Prohibition in the Unites States in the 1920s. Makers Mark Bourbon Whiskey, Aperol, smashed mandarin, spearmint, and a dash of sugar. Simple but suave.”

 Juice or smash mandarin.  Combine ingredients.  Churn with ice.

METHOD  Juice cucumber.  Add all ingredients to a shaker.  Dry shake to emulsify egg white.  Shake with ice.  Strain over ice.  Top with soda.

INGREDIENTS  45mL Hendricks.  10mL rose syrup.  1 inch [2.5cm] cucumber, juiced.  10mL lemon juice.  30mL fresh pink grapefruit juice.  Egg white.

GLASS Beer glass.

Rosebud.

INGREDIENTS  45mL Makers Mark.  10mL Aperol.  1 peeled mandarin (juiced or smashed).  6 mint leaves.  10mL Simple Syrup.

Mint sprig, mandarin moon.

GLASS Rocks glass.

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PETE SAYS “This drink first came about when we were thinking strange and unusual botanicals contained in the Scottish Gin, Hendricks – rose, cucumber, citrus, coriander, and juniper. Here we mix the Hendricks Gin with cold-pressed telegraph cucumber, fresh ruby red grapefruit, rose syrup, fresh lemon, and a touch of egg white for texture. A contemporary twist on the classic Silver Gin Fizz.”

GARNISH

GARNISH

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Jekyll & Hyde

Carrot Reviver PETE SAYS “A twist on the classic gin cocktail The Corpse Reviver No. 2, which was originally intended as a “hair of the dog” hangover cure and first listed in the iconic Savoy Cocktail Handbook by Harry Craddock in 1930. This twist contains 20mL of freshly pressed carrot juice, for that little extra vitamin boost!”

GLASS

METHOD  Combine all ingredients in a shaker.  Shake vigorously.  Finely strain.

INGREDIENTS  15mL Beefeater 24 Gin.  15mL Lillet Blanc.  15mL Cointreau.  15mL lemon juice.  15mL carrot juice.  Dash Pernod Absinthe.

Coupette/martini.

GARNISH Baby carrot.

Down The Stairs

Twenty years ago, the number of breweries in Australia was barely in double figures; currently, there are in excess of 200 breweries and brewing companies.

PETE SAYS “Żubrówka [Bison Grass Vodka] has quite herbal and vegetal notes, which work wonderfully with fresh green apple. Mixed with almond syrup, fresh lemon juice, and dusted with ground cinnamon, THIS is a refreshing and spicy cocktail that’s perfect on a winter’s night.”

Fancy, that METHOD Build all ingredients in the glass and stir.

INGREDIENTS  45mL Żubrówka.  10mL orgeat syrup.  15mL lemon juice.  1 fresh apple, juiced.  Dash dried ground cinnamon.

GLASS Jam jar.

GARNISH Cinnamon quill.

First thing’s first, it’s the realest… Mountain Goat’s special edition, Fancy Pants, is a hoppy, crafty concoction Using the distinctive characteristics of its popular Hightail Ale as a foundation, the sorcerers at Mountain Goat Beer, in Victoria, decided to incorporate five malts and then hop things up further with Tasmanian Galaxy hops late in the fermentation process. The result is the limited edition Fancy Pants Amber Ale. Says Dave Bonighton, co-founder of Mountain Goat Beer, “We’ve spent some time playing around with the Hightail, and injected some creativity into the art of brewing it.

The result is a spicy, fruity ale with a firm backbone – it’s fancy.” In addition to its fanciness, the new, 5.2 per cent ABV ale is also full-bodied and naturally brewed (thus avoiding gross preservatives and additives). If you reckon you’re a Fancy Pants, or have a pal who is that way inclined, hash-tag #FancyPants on Instagram and the Goat team might send something your way if they agree. Best hurry, as the beer won’t be around once winter’s over! MAXIM.COM.AU

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BAR Whisky or whiskey? The Irish and the Americans spell it ‘whiskey’ (with the exception of Makers Mark), while the rest of the world spells it ‘whisky’. During the late19th Century the Scots were producing terrible whisky using Coffey stills (column stills), so the Irish and the Americans added an “e” to differentiate themselves.

Vintage drop. The world’s oldest whisky is over 150 years old, with rumours suggesting it was bottled between 1851 and 1858. The Guinness World Record for ‘World’s Oldest Whisky’ is held by a 400mL bottle of Glenavon Special Liqueur Whisky. It fetched over $26,000 at auction!

Belgrove Distillery, in Tasmania, is possibly the world’s most eco-friendly – fuelled by biofuel, with the farm equipment powered by hydroelectricity.

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Single malt vs blended. Single malt whisky is the good stuff, and is made in a copper pot still from malted barley grain and water. Furthermore, a single malt has to have been made and bottled by a single distillery. Blended whisky, as the name suggests, is a blend of grain and malt whiskies. The grain component is distilled in a Coffey still and the rule of thumb is that the cheaper the blend, the less malt whisky it contains. A good example of this is Johnny Walker Red (lower end), as opposed to Johnnie Walker Blue (very expensive). Ice or no ice? The simple rule is: ice for blends and no ice for single malts. Ice was introduced to whisky culture in order to mask the harshness of blended whisky and has no place in malt whisky appreciation. This is because it hides around three-quarters of the nose [aroma] and ruins the structure of the whisky on the palate.

The big boys. Blended whisky is the most common form of Scotch whisky and one of the biggest-selling alcoholic drinks categories in the world. Johnny Walker leads the pack with 28.1 million bottles; Glenfiddich is the highestselling single malt, at 1.4 million bottles. To put it into context, there are 18 blended brands that sell more than one million cases – totalling 95 million bottles – with the crazy thing being you probably haven’t even heard of most of these brands. Diageo is the company that owns Johnny Walker, and they’re also the world’s biggest alcoholic beverages company. Their portfolio also includes Smirnoff, and Gordon’s Gin. Glenfiddich is owned by the Grant family, who are the richest family in Scotland.

India drinks more whisky than any other country. They necked two billion bottles in 2012!

Bicycle polo-playing hipsters are being blamed for the global whisky shortage. Or, more precisely, the massive shift in the popularity of whisky beyond the demographic of “old men” and into the mainstream, which has led to a shortage globally, is attributed to them. But don’t worry, Diageo is coming to the rescue with a $1.5 billion investment to stimulate production.

Scotland is a long way to go for a solid dram. Luckily, reliable sources suggest whisky magic is happening right here on our doorstep. Tasmania has no fewer than nine distilleries, and the island’s flagship distillery, Sullivans Cove, holds the crown for the World’s Best Single Malt.

Englishman Jim Murray is a massive whisky fiend who writes an annual “Bible” rating all the world’s whiskies. His topscoring whiskies last year included drams from Wales, Taiwan, India, Switzerland, Japan, and Tasmania.

ABOUT THE WHISKY CLUB The Whisky Club is the brainchild of Bert Cason, one of the lads at Sullivans Cove Whisky in Tasmania (if only we had the space to list all the awards it’s received). The club offers members a genius combination of whisky education and a monthly supply of the world’s finest and rarest single malt. If you already like, or would like to like, whisky, then you’d best go to www. thewhiskyclub.com.au and sign up pronto! Best of all, it’s FREE!

The most expensive whisky ever sold went for $716,739.20 at an auction in Hong Kong this year. It is a 6L decanter of Macallan containing whisky from the 1940s through to the 1990s.

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Sex New Tricks

WHY SHOULD SNEAKING INTO A CLOSET FOR A QUICKIE BE SOMETHING YOU ONLY DO WHEN YOU’RE WASTED? ENOUGH WITH THE BORING BONING ALREADY – IT’S TIME TO GET ADVENTUROUS

OLD TRICK WATCH PORN ON THE SIDE OLD TRICK: 69

NEW TRICK: A SIDEWAYS TAKE

A naked puzzle, 69 is quite the forgotten art. Most girls can count on one hand how many times they’ve tried this jointpleasure deed. The biggest complaint? They can’t get comfortable. But Emma, a 29-year-old advertising manager, says she and her boyfriend had success with it in the back of a car. Forced to be on their sides, with their feet cramped against the windows, the new positioning actually made it hotter. “The car got foggy, but it was so passionate,” she says. “What’s great about 69 is you want this person entirely; there’s nothing else you want – or can do – with them.” 70

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NEW TRICK STAR IN YOUR OWN LIVE VERSION

Watching porn during sex is a typical venture for some couples, but the forgotten art of humping in front of a mirror can take it to the next level. Lena, a 23-year-old student, says she has sex with her fiancé in front of giant mirrors all over her house. “I know how much he loves seeing things from two different angles,” she says. “But it’s extra hot when I get to see everything, too. And it turns me on more because it’s like watching your own porn.” Don’t have a mirror in sight? Have the lights on instead, so you can really focus on what’s there to see. Mandy, a 26-year-old writer, puts it this way: “To be able to feel how great it is while tasting him and hearing him and watching it happen? That’s just amazing.” And the best part? No leakable sex tape that you’ll regret five months from now.

WORDS: ASHLEY ROSS

OLD TRICK: USING A VIBRATOR

NEW TRICK: BREAK OUT SOME NEW TOYS

It’s common to shy away from bringing sex toys into the bedroom, but have no fear, a machine can never replace intimacy – it just adds to it. Kasey, a 31-year-old event planner, says she uses a vibrator every time she has sex (her favourite is a sleek, simple one). “I was nervous my boyfriend would feel threatened by it,” she says, “but he understands it can actually spice things up for both of us.” Dana B. Meyers, founder of sex toy site bootyparlor.com, also suggests using vibrating couples rings – what she calls the holy grail of toys for achieving orgasm. “The ring creates an extra constriction of blood flow, which will help him stay harder longer, and a ‘bullet’ that stimulates her at the same time,” she explains.

OLD TRICK: BANG BEFORE BED

NEW TRICK: DON’T HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON

Renee Horowitz, MD, of the Center for Sexual Wellness in Michigan, says 75 per cent of couples have sex at night between 11 and 11:30 – “but having it in the morning may be better than a cup of coffee”. Dana, a 24-year-old therapist, says it’s a great way to get her grumpy boyfriend moving. “I’m usually the most awake in the morning, and I find sex the only thing he’s happy to wake up for,” she explains. Horowitz suggests pencilling in time in the morning for a quickie by deciding to wake up a few minutes earlier. “Having morning sex is better than snoozing for the extra 20 minutes.” It starts your day off with a bang!

OLD TRICK: SHE’S ON TOP

NEW TRICK: A REVERSE VIEW

You probably both love when she’s on top, but the same satisfying routine can still lose its thrills. Put a 180-degree spin on things and you may just find your new favourite position: the oft-forgotten reverse cowgirl, when she’s on top but not facing you. Lauren, a 28-year-old nurse, says she knows her best body part is her butt, so she doesn’t mind turning around for her man to appreciate the great view. “Guys love to watch, because when you go all the way up and squat, they can see everything that’s happening,” she says. MAXIM.COM.AU

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WORDS: NICK LEFTLEY & ADAM LINEHAN

EVER WATCHED A MOVIE AND THOUGHT, ‘I WONDER IF I COULD USE MY FOE’S GUTS AS A ROPE?’ IF SO, PLEASE SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY, YOU SICK F–K. ACTUALLY, BEFORE YOU DO THAT, CHECK OUT WHAT OUR EXPERTS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE REALISM (OR COMPLETE LACK THEREOF) IN THESE 10 CLASSIC MOVIE SCENES...

T H E W O L F O F WA L L S T R E E T

FACT VS FICTION THE COKE-AND-QUAALUDE-FUELLED, CHEST-THUMPING ADVENTURES OF JORDAN BELFORT NOT ONLY MAKE FOR A MODERN CLASSIC BUT ALSO MAKE US WONDER: DID ALL OF THAT REALLY HAPPEN?

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MOVIE

VERDICT

RE ALIT Y

Belfort’s yacht is so big a helicopter can land on it.

FACT

He not only had a 167-foot [51m] yacht (originally owned by Coco Chanel) with a chopper pad on top but also named it after his wife, just like in the film.

Belfort has an insanely huge mansion on Long Island.

FICTION

Belfort had a pretty huge mansion on Long Island. The real one “wasn’t as grand” as filmmakers hoped, says producer Emma Tillinger Koskoff.

High on vintage Quaaludes, Belfort must drive his Lamborghini from his country club to his house.

FICTION

It wasn’t a Lamborghini… it was a Mercedes.

Belfort curses. A lot. (Wolf has more F-bombs – 544 – than any other mainstream feature film in cinematic history.)

FACT

Just take a listen to some of his motivational speeches on YouTube.

A broker at Belfort’s firm is paid to shave her head.

FACT

A Stratton Oakmont employee let her co-workers shave her hair off in return for a $10,000 boob job.

There’s a chimpanzee in the office.

FICTION

According to Danny Porush (the basis for Jonah Hill’s character, Donnie), you’d be a monkey’s uncle to believe this.

Donnie eats a co-worker’s goldfish.

FACT

“I said to one of the brokers, ‘If you don’t do more business, I’m gonna eat your goldfish!’” Porush has said. “So I did.”

There’s an in-office dwarf-tossing competition.

UNCLEAR

Depends on whom you ask. Belfort says yes; Porush claims that while the firm hired little people, they were never abused. But why trust either?

Could a shark sink a boat? THE SCIENCE Possible, but highly unlikely. “The shark in the movie was supposed to be 25 feet [8m] long. Are there really sharks that big out there? I personally believe yes,” says marine biologist and creator of the first protective sharksuit, Jeremiah Sullivan. “I’ve swum with sharks about 18 feet [5.5m], and on Guadalupe Island in the ’80s, a group of professional shark guys and I saw a great white that we conservatively guessed to be just over 20 feet [6m]. The bigger they are, the more cautious they are – they don’t come around people much. But if a shark that big jumped onto a boat that size – which sharks sometimes do, especially if people are trying to fish them and they’re in distress – it could sink it.” You really are going to need a bigger boat.

THE SCENE Aggravated by having barrels repeatedly harpooned into him, the shark leaps out of the water and crushes the back of the boat, sinking it. Take that, puny land-dwellers!

BELIEVABILITY FACTOR KINDA, SORTA POSSIBLE!

What would an adrenalin shot to the heart do? THE SCENE John Travolta revives a heroin-overdosed Uma Thurman by stabbing her in the heart with a shot of adrenalin. THE SCIENCE First, injecting anything into someone’s heart is a no-no, according to Eric Newman, MD, of Mercy Medical Center in Baltimore. “An intracardiac injection is very dangerous and can result in severe bleeding in and around the heart, which can be fatal.” That’s mistake number one. Mistake number two: adrenalin isn’t even used to treat heroin overdoses – a drug called Narcan (aka Naloxone) is, and it’s typically administered through the vein, and should never, ever be shot through the heart. Why? Because (a) you’d kill your buddy, and (b) you’d give love a bad name, which, surely, is even worse.

BELIEVABILITY FACTOR QT DEFIES MEDICAL SCIENCE.

Will an electromagnetic safe open if the power goes off? THE SCENE Having reached the final, impregnable level of the safecracking process – the electromagnetic lock – the crooks are delighted when the Feds cut the power, opening the vault. Good work, FBI guys! THE SCIENCE This is about as likely as Al Powell buying only one armload of Twinkies. “Electromagnetic locks are used just for access control,” says Lynel Berryhill, vice president at Brown Safe Manufacturing. “Never as the final lock. The most secure thing would be a mechanical lock, because there’s no way to hack it the way you could with, say, a biometric one. All the high-tech locks would be in the early stages, and a mechanical one would be last. The vault in Die Hard isn’t even close to anything I’ve seen on a real vault, but even if you had a situation like in the movie, it still wouldn’t have worked, because they would have had to wait four or five hours for the battery backup to turn off.” BELIEVABILITY FACTOR PRETTY IMPOSSIBLE. MAXIM.COM.AU

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THE SCIENCE OF THE MOVIES

Can you swing on human intestines? THE SCIENCE Surprise! This is completely impossible, due to the extensive amount of connective tissue keeping the intestine connected to itself and the abdominal cavity. “It isn’t very strong, but it would take a bit more effort to pull it out like a fire hose,” according to Richard Desi, MD, gastroenterologist at Mercy Medical Center in Baltimore. “You also wouldn’t get very far, since the small intestine is only about 20 feet [6m] in length and has neither the elasticity nor the tensile strength to pull off this stunt. If you attempted it, the intestine would most likely tear free from the rest of the bowel.” In other words, you’d probably end up drenched in another man’s poop and digestive juices, which is pretty much the worst thing imaginable. BELIEVABILITY FACTOR NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!

Will we ever see a real-life hoverboard? THE SCENE Marty McFly time-travels to October 21, 2015, kicks a guy in the nuts, and then flees on a hot pink hoverboard. THE SCIENCE Sorry, would-be hoverboarders, but the concept of anti-gravity is bullshit. “When we talk about anti-gravity, what I have in mind is weird mathematical models, where if you have negative masses, you could produce negative gravitational fields,” says Pablo A. Rosado of the Max Planck Institute for Gravitational Physics. “That is mathematically possible, not physically: mass is always positive.” Rosado says superconductors could possibly float a hoverboard, as they levitate atop other magnets. But superconductors function at around -100°C, and the discovery of a superconductive material at inhabitable temps is a long way off. For those unwilling to wait for this important breakthrough, we recommend getting some plutonium, a flux capacitor, and a DeLorean. BELIEVABILITY FACTOR ONLY IN THE MOVIES, SADLY.

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THE SCENE Danny Trejo slices a man open and uses a large portion of his GI tract as a bungee cord to swing out the window to the floor below.

Could a penny-shaving virus make you money? THE SCENE Peter, Samir, and Michael Bolton nearly wind up in a federal prison after infecting their company’s accounting system with a computer virus that makes them suddenly rich. THE SCIENCE According to Scott Shellady, CEO of Bradford Capital Management, penny-shaving schemes are ridiculously easy. Let’s say you have a dollar in the bank, with an interest rate of 2.25 per cent. Over time that dollar will grow into a less and less round number. “At some point you’ll have, say, $11.32, but it’s actually $11.32486598,” says Shellady. That’s where crooks “shave the penny”, which in this case means using a computer virus to discreetly snatch the 0.00000008 off that fraction and redirect it to another bank account. With enough accounts, those little fractions can add up to millions.

BELIEVABILITY FACTOR THIS COULD TOTALLY HAPPEN!

Can you chop someone up with a chainsaw? THE SCENE A deranged redneck hacks up a bunch of people with a chainsaw and feeds them to his family. THE SCIENCE The short answer is yes, but some appendages are easier to lop off than others. “If you were going to cut someone’s head off, their carotid artery would be severed immediately,” declares professional lumberjack and Timbersports competitor Dave Jewett. “They’d be spraying all over. And it will go through muscle easy.” OK, got it. But what about sawing off bony human limbs? “I don’t think it’s going to go through bone. Maybe through one of the smaller bones – the wrist – but the chain would be fried after the first appendage.” And if the victim is wearing clothes? Well, that’s going to be a problem, too. “If they hit somebody’s clothing, it will just go around and get up in the sprocket and stop the saw.” BELIEVABILITY FACTOR DEFINITELY POSSIBLE!

Can the human voice shatter glass? THE SCIENCE According to Jean-Baptiste Blanc, senior noise and vibration engineer at the Dyson company, no amount of teenage angst, marijuana, or hair metal can enable someone to perform such a feat. While the human voice can, indeed, shatter glass, it has to be very thin and brittle, and the singer has to match the resonant frequency of the glass, which is easier said than done. “In order to break a crystal glass, one would have to produce a sound in excess of 100 decibels. Assuming we’re considering a fairly thin, brittle glass window, we would have to reach amplitudes of 130 to 140 decibels to shatter it. Such a high sound level would cause serious injury to someone’s ears and is way beyond what a singer could produce with their voice.”

THE SCENE Emilio Estevez shatters a window with a powerful banshee scream. Seems like something his younger bro, Charlie Sheen, would be capable of.

BELIEVABILITY FACTOR NO CHANCE IN HELL. MAXIM.COM.AU

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THE SCIENCE OF THE MOVIES

What would happen if the Earth’s rotation were reversed? THE SCIENCE Aleksey Smirnov, geophysics professor at Michigan Technological University, shares the terrifying reality. “Any object on the surface – you, for example, and the building you’re in – will continue to rotate in the initial direction due to conservation of momentum. This effectively means that everything will be launched in the horizontal direction at 1,000mph [1,610km/h], which is an ultrasonic speed.” It gets worse. “Think what happens to the water in a glass if you’re driving and hit the brakes suddenly. That’s pretty much what would happen with the oceans. Large tidal waves would produce megatsunamis that would reach hundreds of miles inland. There would also be global fires, due to all the broken oil and gas pipelines, and mega-earthquakes from the strain on the Earth’s crust and upper shell.” So, any good news? No. “It would be a super-mass-extinction event, dwarfing all previous ones, including the end of the dinosaurs. Everything living on land would be killed, including all of humanity. Some things in the ocean might survive, and micro-organisms, of course, but it would set evolution back by half a billion years.” BELIEVABILITY FACTOR THANKFULLY, IMPOSSIBLE.

Can one man kill a whole army? THE SCENE Arnold Schwarzenegger arms-up and takes out an entire private army by himself – with the help of a few gardening tools. THE SCIENCE “This scene is so terrible, it’s good,” says former US Navy SEAL Brandon Webb. “He kills a guy by stabbing him in the gut, which is not even a kill shot. He sets up three Claymore mines – which are a pound-and-a-half [680g] of C4 packed with metal pellets – and it looks like 50 pounds [23kg] of f—king C4 going off. There’s a complete disregard for magazine capacity. I counted 50 shots out of a 30-round AK magazine! When he does switch to the belt-fed M60, they leave in a close-up where you can see the blanks in the belt.” So what did Webb think about Arnie taking out five guys from inside a toolshed? “That was my favourite. He pitchforked a dude, took off a guy’s head at a 30-degree angle with a saw blade, lopped a dude’s arm off. But that’s Spec Ops rule number one: never bring a pitchfork to a gunfight.” BELIEVABILITY FACTOR SORRY, ARNIE FANS.

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THE SCENE Aghast at Lois Lane’s death, Superman rage-flies around the world so fast, it rotates the wrong way, reversing time. Because that’s how physics mixed with heartbreak works, right?

M A X I M P R O M OT I O N

Thanks to IN THE BLOOD, a bloody awesome prize pack could be yours! To celebrate the release of IN THE BLOOD, starring Gina Carano (Fast & Furious 6), we are giving you the chance to win one of two amazing prize packs valued at over $2,500 each – thanks to Anchor Bay Entertainment, Lonsdale, and SEIKO! Directed by John Stockwell (Into the Blue, SEAL Team Six), Carano stars as Ava, a trained fighter with a dark past. When her new husband vanishes during their Caribbean honeymoon, Ava

uncovers a violent underworld conspiracy. Armed with a deadly set of skills, Ava sets out to discover the truth – and to take down the men she thinks are responsible for her husband’s abduction, one by one. IN THE BLOOD is available on DVD and Blu-ray now, and also stars Danny Trejo (the Machete franchise, From Dusk Till Dawn), Cam Gigandet (Easy A, Twilight), and Luis Guzman (Boogie Nights, Anger Management).

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Gina explains the importance of recycling

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H O W

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For your chance to win, tell us in 25 words or less where you’d take Gina Carano for a holiday and why. Send answers to: [email protected]. * CONDITIONS APPLY. GO TO WWW.MAXIM.COM.AU FOR TERMS & CONDITIONS. THIS COMPETITION IS ONLY OPEN TO AUSTRALIAN RESIDENTS.

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D A MN, I T F E E L S G O OD T O BE A G A NG S TA . JUST A SK THIS SUNSHINE COA ST SCORCHER MAXIM.COM.AU

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then bring you down in the same conversation.

HOMETOWN Sunshine Coast. BIRTHDAY June 28, 1991. JOB Debt collector. I started off working purely in accounts but then got more and more competent, so was given the responsibility of debt collecting. Basically, I am the call you want to receive, because I am always really bubbly and will cheer you up…

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SECRET PLAYLIST SHAME I have old school ghetto music on my phone that I play on repeat – it makes me feel so gangsta. My fave has to be “Candy Shop” by 50 Cent! THE LAST THING THAT MADE ME LOL WAS I always lose it when people fall over – after ensuring they’re OK, of course. It is a sick guilty pleasure of mine.

I CAN KICK ANY GUY’S ARSE AT BMX riding. I am a beast on the bike!

fascination, so I want to see what the fuss is all about.

THE WORST PICK-UP LINE I’VE HEARD IS “Are you an official? Because you are officially giving me a boner.” Please, settle down!

MY SPIRIT ANIMAL IS Husky! I sometimes like to think I am the human version of my Husky, Gracie. Just supercheeky and fun.

A GUY IS MORE LIKELY TO GET LUCKY WITH ME IF He is just down to earth. I love the quiet guy who is super-sexy and doesn’t know it.

MY FAVOURITE WAY TO GET IN TROUBLE IS Playing tricks on people. My love in life is knowing what pushes people’s buttons, and then pushing them. For example, if someone is on a diet I will sit in front of them

IF I WERE A GUY FOR A DAY, I WOULD Go fishing! I don’t get the

devouring a packet of chips! MY GO-TO DRINK IS Lemon, Lime, and Bitters… with a dash or two of vodka. MY HANGOVER CURE IS McDonald’s! I think it is everyone’s dream to have a delicious, naughty feast whilst hung over. DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN THREE HASHTAGS #cheeky #talkative #overfriendly. IF I NAMED A BURGER

AFTER MYSELF, IT WOULD BE CALLED Molly Moo! It would have HEAPS of cheese, chicken, and a little salad. MY FAVOURITE LINE FROM A MOVIE IS “You need Jesus”, from Bad Boys. It cracks me up and I am always saying it to people now. MY DANCING IS BEST DESCRIBED AS Atrocious. I won’t pretend like I’m good because I absolutely am not!

I love the quiet guy who is super-sexy and doesn’t know it.

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I FEEL SEXIEST Just after I wash my spray tan off and I am freshly showered, wearing no makeup. I always feel so natural and raw in that moment. MY FAVOURITE PART OF MY BODY IS I have to go with the good, old boobs. I grew them all by myself, so I would be silly not to nominate them as my favourite. AS AN EXPERT, WHICH IS BEST: SIDEBOOB, UNDERBOOB, OVERBOOB… OR IS THERE A FOURTH TYPE OF BOOB? Oh, a bonus question about boobs – yay for boobs! I think the fourth type of boob is known as All Boob! I love underboob! Being natural, mine tend to sit in a way where underboob is definitely my go-to. MY HIDDEN TALENT IS I’m a mean cook! My specialty is ribs. I know the way to everyone’s heart with ribs! IF I RULED THE WORLD FOR A DAY, I WOULD Put everyone on an even level. I think we are all the same and in this together, so we shouldn’t put anyone above anyone else. INSTAGRAM @jessicamollyx

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INTERVIEW: DANIEL STEINER; PHOTOS: ANGEL RILEY PHOTOGRAPHY

My favourite body part would have to be the good, old boobs. I grew them all by myself, after all!

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WE LIKE TO WATCH

Film

NEWS FLASH  Hopefully Sex Tape (out now), starring Cameron Diaz and Jason Segal as a married couple who get their titular video stolen and then embark on a quest to relocate it, ends with her getting famous from the tape and marrying a famous hip-hop artist in Florence.

EXPEND DISBELIEF AUSSIE LIVEWIRE PATRICK HUGHES, DIRECTOR OF THE EXPENDABLES 3, ANALYSES THE KEY COMPONENTS OF A GOOD ACTION MOVIE The role of a third instalment The trap you can fall into the third time around is being repetitive. Obviously, the third one exists because the first two made so much frickin’ money! Let’s get that outta the way. Nobody goes out to make number three if the first two didn’t make bank. I asked Sly [Stallone] early on what the hook was. In this one, the Expendables get pushed to the limit and get their arses kicked for the first time in their lives. So that opens up a lot of questions about where they go from here and how much longer they can stay in business.

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Set-pieces The tendency for action films to turn it up to 11 and keep it there the entire time means things can get boring pretty quickly. What you need to find is that balance between character and action; the emotional content needs to underpin the action because when you see those characters you care about in peril, the explosions matter. People do go to these movies

because they are, as someone said to me recently, “the genre of blowing shit up”. That’s not wrong – you name it, I blew it up. We’ve even got a 700-foot [213m] wall of fire in this movie!

Opening – and closing – with a bang It’s an unwritten but widely known rule that you open with what they call your “popper”. James Bond films do it every time. You come into the story late, something is going down, and

you’re posing questions to the audience: Where are we? What’s happening? Meanwhile, you see some insane action, then the dust settles, and you get the chance to piece the plot together before you gear up for

The Pat in the Hat shows Terry Crews his take on Gangnam Style

the next big action scene. Obviously, the finale is where you go bigger, badder, and better with everything. If I’m paying to see an action movie, I’m expecting those two things done right.

Keeping it real I wanted every action set-piece to feel unique – to have its own setting and aesthetic and style. There’s a lot of variety but it’s always fun. For instance, the opening is a chopper attacking a f—king prison train! My goal was to film as much as possible in camera [not use digital effects] because I love when action movies do stuff for real. So I was like, “Let’s get a chopper, let’s get a train, and let’s blow it all up!” Before you

know it, we’re shopping for a train and retrofitting it. We had 45 stunties [stunt crew] a day on set, man. There were three versions of the Expendables walking around every day: the real ones, the photo doubles – who look like them from behind – and the stunt doubles, who are true badarses. These guys get thrown into the fray: they’ll leap down elevator shafts and get blown up. With this movie, as I said, my goal was to try and shoot as many real-world elements as possible. Hence the 700-foot wall of fire and the real chopper attacking the real train. My preference is not to go for the CG [computer generated] alternative.

Classic cast Mate, it was a dream come true. The first short I ever made, when I was nine – I’d bought an 8mm camera with my paper round money – was stop-frame animation. You actually couldn’t even call it a short, since it only went for 23 seconds. Anyway, it consisted of my Rambo action figure setting fire to my Han Solo action figure with fly spray and a box of matches. It was f–king bizarre. Now, 20 years later – let’s make me a little younger than I am; I’m single, brother, why do you think I’m in the movie business?! – here I am, on set with Harrison Ford and Sly!

Inspirations I’ve got a few. I was a big

fan of First Blood, and Rambo in general. You know when video shops had five weeklies for five dollars? Well, one time, when I was about 11, I put a few kiddie movies on the outside, and slipped First Blood and Commando in the middle. Got home, was like, “Yes! The guy at the counter didn’t even notice!”, was halfway through Commando, and my mum walks in and goes, “What the hell are you doing?! What is this garbage?! This is just senseless violence!” She marched me back to the video store, berated the guy who worked there, berated me, then I was grounded for two weeks. I was talking to her on the phone the other day and said, “Mum, I’m here with Sly, and I think you should apologise to him…” I’m a huge fan of Predator – I think that’s a flawless action film. When you break that script down, in terms of the twists and turns, it’s perfect. Obviously, Die Hard and all the other stuff from that time as well. It was a raw, lean, and sparse period – very visceral.

The Expendables 3 is out August 14

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Music

NEWS FLASH  Five years after blowing up radios, clubs, and your iPod (we still used those in 2009) with her distinct voice and synthy sounds, Elly Jackson (La Roux) returns with her follow-up, Trouble In Paradise, which features nine tracks and is out now.

Of Mastodon and Men

Mastodon’s new album, Once More ’Round The Sun, is out now

Troy Sanders, bass player for the mindful metal band, is ready to make contact with aliens IF ALIENS LANDED TOMORROW, HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE MASTODON TO THEM? Well, that would be easy, seeing as our music was created on their home planet. They’re automatically going to gravitate towards us. Explaining our music to humans is the difficult part. THAT’S PROBABLY WHY THEY’VE COME TO EARTH – TO CATCH UP WITH YOU GUYS? The signs are making themselves clearer every day. DOES IT GET ANY EASIER TO MAKE AN ALBUM AFTER HAVING DONE IT FIVE TIMES PREVIOUSLY? Sorry, man, I just saw a groundhog for the first time in my life. I’m in my hometown of Atlanta and that was really cool. As for the question, I wouldn’t say it gets easier, because with each album a different challenge presents itself. We’re always trying to evolve as individuals,

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musicians, and as a band, as well as attempting to create new and interesting sounds. The challenge is always there, and we’ll never settle for filler. WHEN YOU’RE WORKING ON NEW MATERIAL DO YOU CONSIDER WHAT IT’LL BE LIKE TO PERFORM LIVE OR DO YOU JUST FOCUS ON MAKING THE TRACKS? We’ve kicked ourselves in the rear end several times because we don’t think like that. When we’re creating a song and writing the lyrics and deciding who does the vocals, that’s all done with the aim of making the song as good as possible. When we finish writing a record and it’s time to start learning those songs as a band in rehearsals – before we play them live on tour – that’s when it’s really difficult. The guitar and vocal patterns end up being different melody lines or something, so it’s like rubbing your belly and patting your head at the same time. It takes

massive amounts of repetition to get that right. WHAT’S THE LEAST METAL THING ABOUT YOU? DO YOU HAVE ANY NERDY HOBBIES? I think having a snow globe collection would suggest I’m in with the nerd crowd. I’ve got, like, 80 snow globes. If you have six of them, that’s not cool, but if you have 60, that’s super-cool! You don’t want to have some lame snow globe collection – you need to go all-out! What if I had two dolls? That’s not very impressive. But what if I had 100 Barbie dolls in their original boxes, arranged perfectly in a special case? That would be impressive, man. IT SURE WOULD. DO YOU HAVE A FAVOURITE SNOW GLOBE? I had one from Athens, Greece – it was of the Parthenon [the iconic 2,500-year-old temple in the Acropolis]. One day it fell, and the glass at the top

shattered. Shards of glass fell to the bottom, which actually matched the idea of the Parthenon – it was still standing and very rustic. We were doing some spring cleaning recently and my wife threw it out. It was painful but I got over it. Sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone... PRETTY SURE THAT PROVERB ORIGINALLY PERTAINED TO SNOW GLOBES. CAN YOU GIVE US A TIP ON FACIAL HAIR MAINTENANCE? I’m into it. I recently bought a new product called Beard Oil, by a company called Wild and Wise. Two awesome words on one bottle label. It’s the sort of thing you don’t need but you really, really want it. There’s jojoba, rosemary, essential oils, and heaps of other stuff in it. Beard Oil – you could name a supergroup that. DANIEL STEINER

C E L E B R I T Y

O B S E S S I O N

ADAM BRAND The rock-country music legend chats chillies TELL US ABOUT YOUR CHILLI GROWING AND BOTTLING PROCESS. My Nona came from a peasant fishing village in Italy; they had methods of doing things that got passed down from her to my Dad to me. You grow the chillies – I use middle-size and middlestrength chillies – cut ’em all up, salt them, put them in a strainer, which drains out the liquid and softens the flesh, then let them sit for three days. After the three days you wash them thoroughly, put them in a big bucket of white vinegar, and let them sit for a day. You take them out, put them in jars with some olive oil, and Bob’s your uncle. When they’re in the salt, you can just leave them sitting around, since nothing in its right mind would go and eat a bunch of salted chillies.

INTERVIEW: DANIEL STEINER

YOU’VE GOT TWO RESTAURANTS. DO YOU USE THE CHILLIES THERE? I’m sitting in the new one now, which is in Coffs Harbour; the other is in Townsville. We don’t use store-bought chilli powder of paste – the chilli we use is all done using my Nona’s method. The only difference is that we do it in big batches at the restaurant – 10kg at a time. HAVE YOU SHARED YOUR CHILLIES WITH ANY OTHER MUSOS? I had a record deal over in Nashville, so I moved there for a couple of years. When I got there, I made a big batch of chillies. A few people from the record company came over for dinner and loved them, so I made a few jars and went around the head office of Sony in Nashville handing out jars of chillies. I was also the opening act for Taylor

Swift during her North American tour. She loves cooking and made me some pumpkin bread to welcome me to the tour. I had to return the flavour, so I sent her a jar of chillies. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE TYPE OF PEPPER? The cayenne peppers. They’re four or five inches in length, not too thick, and you can pick them up at Woolies or Coles. Sometimes I throw a few Birdseyes or Habaneros in there to mix it up, so I’ll be tucking into some chillies, then all of a sudden one will rip my head off! WE REALLY SHOULD INCLUDE A MUSIC QUESTION: AFTER SALES OF MORE THAN 500,000 ALBUMS AND MUSIC DVDS, HOW DO YOU STAY MOTIVATED? We grow and evolve as people in every aspect of our lives – it’s not really a conscious thing. I sing differently and am influenced by different things as I get older, so I don’t find it difficult to stay motivated. Last year, when [Bruce] Springsteen came out, I went to one of his shows. I was gobsmacked. Here’s this living legend, and the stage show was very basic – no lasers of big screens – and it was just a raw, honest, powerful experience. That ignited a fire in me, and I tried to do likewise with this album: it’s not overproduced and could be played live by a band. I love that. I’m not a retiring type, so when I go out there I give it my all.

Adam’s new album, My Side of the Street, is out August 8

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S H E P L I F E BY BRIGGS, DECORATED AUSSIE MC

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I’m a country kid who grew up in the rural city of Shepparton, Victoria. This is a quick look at how I did it and some of the townspeople who helped me along the way. This is my reality...

SIC

GUILIANI’S The first thing you need to do in Shep – I’ll be referring to The Greater City of Shepparton as ‘Shep’ from here on – is get a haircut, and Giuliani’s is where you need to get one. Barbershops are a floor for debate on any subject, and also the town’s news – I don’t read the paper, I talk to my barber Tommy or his old man, Ralph. They have been cutting my hair for about 15 years. It’s generations shaping generations, literally. This is where you find the honest, rawest info about what’s going on around town and you can even talk about Game of Thrones! (Tommy loves it!) For $22 you’ll get the best haircut this side of the Great Divide and be fit for polite society. They also have a beautiful shrine to the Essendon Bombers.

MACINTOSH SHOPS The Macintosh St shops were a staple of my growing up, and if that strip was the crown, the South Side video store (RIP) was the jewel. South Side video was where I could hire all my favourite wrestling videos, which were instrumental in developing my character – over the top, violent, but having the tongue firmly against the cheek, so it’s still entertaining. Dave, who ran the joint, also had a Mortal Kombat arcade machine right next to a Street Fighter II machine, which I think was the starting point for my negotiation skills on whose turn was when and who played on. There was a milk bar for your sugar fix and the best fish and chip shop in town. As far as I was concerned, what else could you need? My kid food pyramid was seen to and I had about six hours of wrestling to watch.

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My album, ShepLife, will be released August 22 through Golden Era Records and is available on CD, digital, and vinyl. You can keep up with info about shows and general Briggs shenanigans through Facebook. com/KillBriggs, on my Twitter and Instagram: @BriggsGE and #Sheplife, or at: iambriggs.com

HYSTERIA Hysteria is your classic ‘bong shop’: they sell band T-shirts, do piercings, and, up until the law said no, sold bongs. They also sold the first CD I recorded with a mate as a young teenager – that was huge for me. Hysteria has been around for ages – I must’ve been seven or so when my sister bought a Jimi Hendrix T-shirt from there. It wasn’t much later I was in there buying Snoop Dogg and Tupac T-shirts. Dean and his brother Brian (the Jafer Bros.) have looked out for me since I was a kid. They’ve supported me, my music, and the town’s need for the left-of-centre.

PHOTO: @THSLFE

SHINGO & THE LAST STRAW Shingo is one interesting individual. He’s a Japanese dude living in Shep who roasts coffee beans at a Thai lunch place, The Last Straw. Shingo’s dress sense is something else… I don’t even know what you’d call it? But one day he’ll look like he got left behind by a ’90s hip-hop group and another day he’ll be rocking a TLC T-shirt and tartan pants. If you ever make it to Shep, Shingo’s coffee is the best. Easily. Couple that with Yao’s laksa and, trust me, you will not be disappointed. Shingo keeps me caffeinated and Yao keeps me fed – I’d die if it weren’t for this place. Sidenote: It’s called The Last Straw because the building itself is made out of straw. Go figure. STAR BOWL “If horse racing is the sport of kings, then surely bowling… is a… very good sport as well.” – Homer Simpson I’m terrible at bowling. But there’s something relaxing about throwing something at other things to make ’em fall down. Star Bowl is another stalwart that has been around since before I had any say in anything. It’s seen more birthdays than hot meals, and that’s saying something, because the best Chinese food available in Shepparton was actually from Star Bowl – up until about five years ago, when they moved to a different premises. Do yourself a favour and get a few frames in.

REVIEW There’s a reason they call Briggs “the Milkman” – he always delivers. His second album is his freshest yet. It’s permeate free – if permeates are dud beats and boring rhymes. To really drive this milk metaphor into the ground, it can be as heavy as a cow – dealing with the realities of growing up in a rural community – but that’s frothed up with songs as fun as drinking a mug of Baileys at work and telling the boss it’s a soy latte. Luke Anisimoff

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T H E

A C R O S T I C

Sam McClymont, middle sister of country trio The McClymonts, helps us out with a basic poetry exercise

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COUNTRY MUSIC IN AUSTRALIA I think it’s exciting, and one of the main reasons is because Australians who love music don’t put labels on what they listen to anymore – they’re open to more genres than they used to be. Country music still has a bit of a stigma but it’s actually young and modern and does cross over with other musical styles. Go have a listen! COUNTRY MUSIC IN AMERICA That would be the top genre. We’ve toured there on-and-off the past few years and every week we’d play at a country music festival in front of 20,000 people, which is mind-blowing. We’ve been touring Australia for seven years now, so we feel really lucky to have such a supportive fan base and haven’t felt the urge to rush over there. LIVE SHOWS We’re thrilled about our new show because we’ve got the band back this time – last year we did an acoustic tour, just for something different. We’ve got four albums and an EP, so we don’t get to do all the songs the fans might want, but it’s a high-energy show and we chat to the crowd and each other, so you get to know our personalities.

The McClymonts’ new album, Here’s To You & I, is out now. Their tour has already commenced – for details, go to: themcclymonts.net.au/tours

YOU’VE GOTTA CHECK OUT We all know what a McClymonts song should sound like and we’re all on the same page. In terms of personal music taste – or, stuff “you’ve gotta check out” – the three of us are different. Brooke loves gritty, old school rock, I’m happy listening to Lana Del Rey, and Mollie loves American country stuff. I think it’s good that the three of us don’t just listen to one type of music because it means there are different influences coming in. MAID OF HONOUR You might think I’m playing favourites, but I’m getting married at the end of the year and Mollie is my Maid of Honour. Controversial, I know! OUR NEW ALBUM It’s the only album [of four] we’ve recorded in Australia. It was nice to work with local musos and go home to bed after studio sessions. NOT MANY PEOPLE KNOW Whenever we have a tough time making a decision, we do rockpaper-scissors. Doesn’t matter how serious or trivial the issue is. TOURING The Here’s to You and I Tour is on now. We’ll be announcing more shows soon and will be playing until the end of the year. STUDIO CATERING What? We don’t get studio catering! We’re not that big. We’d usually go get some sushi about midway through a session.

INTERVIEWS: DANIEL STEINER

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MY NAME IS SAM I’m the middle child, so everybody feels sorry for me. I play bass and do most of the low harmonies – Brooke generally takes the lead and Mollie does the high harmonies.

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DVDs

NEWS FLASH  If you like your abs on display and your scenery ruinous, 300: Rise of an Empire (out now) and Pompeii (out July 23) are both out now. It’s a tough call, but we’d give the 300 sequel the edge, seeing as it feature Eva Green’s evergreen boobs.

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THE CV: Stuart Beattie

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THE WRITER-DIRECTOR OF I, FRANKENSTEIN REFLECTS ON HIS DAYS AT THE DRIVE-THROUGH BOTTLE SHOP

NAME Stuart Beattie.

At his signal, unleash an existential struggle

BIRTHDAY 1972.

PAST EXPERIENCE My first job was working at a drivethrough bottle shop in Warrawee [on Sydney’s Upper North Shore]; I’d load beers into the backs of people’s cars. My first paid writing gig was a Movie of the Week called To Have and to Hold, when I was around 22. It was about a father who loses his daughter to a cult, then attempts to get her back. It never got made but I got something like $5,000 for it. That was the only money I really had at the time – I was living off the week-old muffin I found at the bottom of my backpack. I’ve never gone wild with my paycheques because I’m aware the next one could be the last one! My worst job would’ve been catering, which I did when I first got to LA. I remember catering this party and it was just disgusting – there was vomit on the floor and the people were so rude, too.

CURRENT ROLE The character of Frankenstein’s monster is wonderfully complex and tragic. I felt it was a great character to base an action movie around, seeing as the first thing that often gets sacrificed in action movies is character. You couldn’t call it I, Frankenstein and not focus on the character! It allowed me to tap into the themes associated with him: Am I a monster or am I a man? Can I earn a soul? What makes us human – is it our actions, our choices, our beliefs? If you look at the plot, it is character-driven. There’s no ticking bomb that he has to defuse to save the world; it’s choice, choice, choice. The journey of a monster into a man was what I originally pitched three years ago, and it’s very close to that. 92

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STRENGTHS Dependable. I say what I’m gonna do and then I do it. I’m good at making decisions, which is a huge part of directing. People get paralysed when you don’t make a call on something. It mightn’t be the right decision, but at least you made a decision, so people can get on with things. If the decision turns out to be wrong, you can correct it later, but indecision just leaves everyone standing around feeling a bit clueless. I married my wife within three months of meeting her, so I get things done! As a director, I prepare everyone ad nauseum, so everyone involved in the project knows what they’re meant to be doing.

WEAKNESSES Oh, tonnes. There are always areas where you want to improve. I watch my films and notice all these mistakes and make notes to remind myself not to do this and that next time. I feel like I’m still finding my narrative style; I’d like to someday have a distinctive style.

REFERENCES I’ve been lucky to get to work with people of a high-calibre. As far as directors: Jim Mangold, who I wrote 3:10 to Yuma for; Baz Luhrmann, who I wrote Australia for; Michael Mann, who I wrote Collateral for. In terms of producers, Jerry Bruckheimer, Lorenzo di Bonaventura. Actors: Tom Cruise, Clive Owen, Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe. There are a few people you could call.

I, FRANKENSTEIN IS OUT ON BLU-RAY AND DVD JULY 23

TV

Donal Logue knows a thing or two about appearing on the small screen, with recent roles in Sons of Anarchy, Vikings, and Copper. Time to throw the usual his way

THE SAME

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QUESTIONS W E A LWAY S ASK

Probably the entire crew of one of the shows I just did. They’re not hiring me to do Speedo commercials. I’m not coming out of the gym going, “I can’t wait to unleash this bod to the world!” No, God bless them, they had to endure it, but there it was. Donal is bound to be the butt of some jokes once this pic surfaces

DO YOU HAVE A SCAR THAT TELLS A STORY?

Got any advice on fighting? If the guy is big and you think he has a heavy punch, make him chase you for 30 seconds, so he’ll gasp. It’s amazing how many people gas in 30 seconds.

I went running in the desert during summer when I was 18. This guy dressed as a woman was kind of trying to run me over. He pulled up alongside me, and that’s when I got shocked, because the guy was cross-dressing. He threatened me – he said he had a gun – so I ran into a field in the dark and I hit some barbed wire fence and just tore the shit out of my leg. I hid face down in the dirt; this person just wouldn’t leave, they were just driving up and down. When they finally left, I hauled back home and woke my Dad up and told him this crazy story and he said, “Just pour some rubbing alcohol on it!”

What’s your favourite curse word? The good, old fashioned F-word. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? A ’64 Mustang. It’s in a twisted heap in the desert now, out in California.

Artist’s impression of Donal’s first car, minus the twists

DO YOU HAVE A PARTY TRICK? I’ve got no party tricks. I would have said it was playing guitar and singing songs, but I got so much shit for it from my college roommates because it was such an obvious ploy to try and get chicks.

Worst hangover? I quit drinking a long time ago because I was such a bad drinker. But on the night of the San Francisco earthquake, in 1989, I met Greg Dooley, from [rock band] the Afghan Wigs. He got me drunker than I’ve ever been in my life and I was hung over for four days. What’s the last thing you had to apologise for? I hurt someone’s feelings at work. I had to seek this person out and say, “I’m so sorry.” What’s the biggest thing you’ve ever put in your mouth? That is bizarre. I broke my jaw a long time ago, so I have that weird thing – on two occasions, my jaw kind of opened and I dislocated it. So I’m really careful about yawning. I was working as a janitor at this drug and alcohol centre, and I started really early, and my jaw dislocated open and I was like, “Haaalllp meeee, ggkh”, and they’re like, “What drugs are you on?!” Finish this sentence: If I ruled the world for the day, I would… Ban plastic water bottles.

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INTERVIEW: NICK LEFTLEY

DONAL LOGUE WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON TO SEE YOU NAKED?

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Games The Top 20 of E3 2014

Like the salmon of Capistrano, gamers flock to Los Angeles each June to experience the Royal Easter Show of the gaming world. Hundreds of developers are herded into little booths so that city folk can watch them get milked, pin ribbons on them, and pat their babies. This is the event where most of the biggest new games for the coming year are announced. Maxim was there, getting high on the fumes and finding our Top 20 blockbusters of the show. Here they are, in no particular order:

Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare

1

To say that Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare’s E3 gameplay reveal was epic would be an understatement. We expect big things from the franchise and, to be honest, in recent years it has struggled to match expectations. However, the nearphotorealistic graphics, freakish amount of on-screen activity, and emotional storytelling this time around are the best we’ve seen yet. New gameplay features, like a jetpack, were shown in action, while the ability to control tanks, mech suits, and other futuristic gizmos were also teased. Stunning. OUT: NOVEMBER

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3

DragonAge: Inquisition

Once the domain of geeks, all things fantasy are cool nowadays, compliments of success stories like Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings, and, in the gaming world, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Dragon Age: Inquisition is an epic, fantasy-set RPG made by the same developer behind the Mass Effect series. With compelling storytelling and humungous, rich worlds to explore, this is a truly immersive experience that gets down to the nitty RPG-ritty of party and inventory management – without sacrificing intense real-time combat and huge dragons. Looks thrilling. OUT: EARLY-OCTOBER

2

Forza Horizon 2 Microsoft totally nailed it with Forza Motorsport 5, a true next-gen racer for the Xbox One that had the visuals, the sublime handling, and the in-depth multiplayer to easily position it as the best racer we’ve ever played. Using the same game engine and Drivatar-driven multiplayer component, Forza Horizon 2 transports that gameplay into an open-world. Dynamic weather, a full day/night cycle, a fleet of 200 cars, and the ability to form car clubs with your mates to take on the world together will greet gamers. OUT: LATE-SEPTEMBER

4 Assassin’s Creed Unity We’ve been waiting in the shadows for a glimpse at the true next-generation debut of the beloved Assassin’s Creed series, and it didn’t disappoint. Set in Paris during the Renaissance, the Assassin Order is helping the peasants fight back against the aristocratic scum lolling about in their mansions eating cake. The city looks stunning and more populated than ever, but the big draw is the co-op gameplay. You will be able to complete the story with three friends, and working as a team to infiltrate enemy encampments to decapitate a target looks like a riot. OUT: LATE-OCTOBER

5

Halo: The Master Chief Collection

The next instalment in the legendary Halo series, Halo 5: Guardians, has been kicked back to 2015 – BOO! – but fans still have something to look forward to. Microsoft is bringing the first four Halo games, on a single disc, to the Xbox One. This includes full-HD remakes of the first two games, all the multiplayer action – some 100 maps in total – and even the ability to create your own campaign playlists. This means you can link your favourite missions from the four games into one customised experience. In addition, a live action digital series called Halo: Nightfall, directed by Ridley Scott, is included and will bring the story right up to the start of Halo 5. OUT: MID-NOVEMBER

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Rise of the Tomb Raider

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Easily one of the big surprises of 2013 was the comeback of Lara Croft and the Tomb Raider series. After the series’ Nineties heyday, it went into freefall during the Naughties via a stack of dud games. The resurrection of a new, younger, fragile – but still gorgeous – Lara in 2013’s Tomb Raider reboot was amazing, and that game is getting a direct sequel in 2015. Struggling to deal with the torment of her island ordeal from the first game, we’ll see little girl Lara mature into the warrioress and adventuress we know and love. Find the trailer online – it’s incredible. OUT: 2015

The Witcher III: Wild Hunt

The oddly named ‘CD Projekt RED’ is one of the biggest and best indie game developers on the planet, and one of the few truly competing with the big publishers in the AAA console space. This series is a cult fave, thanks to a mature setting, diverging plot, and incredibly deep world. The third outing uses next-gen power to create one of the biggest open-worlds we’ve seen; you roam through valleys, streams, mountains, and cities hunting giant beasts and getting caught up in the world’s politics. Real-time melee and magic-based combat only adds to the tension.

OUT: FEBRUARY 2015

Monster mountain melees make any game more appealing

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The Division

Ubisoft’s The Division continues to look like the most stunning shooter we’ve seen in years. Find the latest gameplay trailer online and you’ll witness a team of four survivors tackling other teams of survivors on the decaying streets of a city destroyed by a virus. As well as the well-built atmosphere, the game features a range of innovative gadgets that open up a vast array of tactical combat options beyond your classic cover-based shooting. Next year can’t come soon enough. OUT: 2015

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Evolve

Turtle Rock are best known as the developer behind Left 4 Dead, and this maestro of co-op gaming is turning it up to 11 with Evolve. You and your mates pick between four genuine characters, each with a strategic battle role to match their bombastic personalities. Then you journey out into some pretty gnarly-looking terrain to stalk, hide, collect power-ups, and ultimately hunt down a huge, aggressive, take-abillion-bullets-to-bringthem-down alien beast. Now here is the kicker: said beast is actually a fifth human player, killing smaller creatures and getting stronger all the time. Mind = blown. OUT: MID-OCTOBER

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The Legend of Zelda

10 E GAM S

If you’ve played games since you were a kid, we’re willing to bet you have a soft spot for The Legend of Zelda. Nintendo’s classic franchise has never failed to deliver a fantasy adventure rivalling anything else in gaming. At E3, Nintendo revealed its next instalment for the Wii U, and it looks kind of awesome. Visually it’s top-notch, but for the first time you will be able to journey – on horseback, no less – through a completely open-world, discovering puzzles, dungeons, quests, and more on the way. Elder Scrolls, eat your heart out. OUT: 2015

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Destiny

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Dead Island 2

When Bungie said goodbye to the Halo series, we were all wondering whether they would be able to match the depth and immersion of Master Chief’s adventures. After E3, we know the answer. Destiny is very much a Bungie game, with an aesthetic and a rapid-fire, almost arcadelike take on the sci-fi shooter experience that Halo fans will love. However, it’s the planet hopping story, about the last bastion on Earth fighting to survive against an invading alien darkness, which unfolds in a connected, MMO-like world, which has us giddy. OUT: SEPTEMBER 9

In yet another must-watch trailer, Deep Silver announced a Dead Island sequel is on the way to PC, PS4, and XBO in Q2 2015 – and it’s way bigger than the first game’s island resort. The trailer doesn’t give away much, other than the fact it has the same sunny disposition, mixing a holiday vibe with the zombie apocalypse, and that it’s set – at least in part – on the beaches of California. While much loved, the original wasn’t without some frustrations, and we can’t wait to enjoy an improved, co-op zombie-bashing summer vacay next year. OUT: Q2 2015

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The Order 1886

A much moodier affair than what we first expected. In fact, this borders on horror. Similar to a Resident Evil or Alan Wake, the latest gameplay demo showed a hero creeping through a ruined medical research centre, guided by little more than a lamplight. When you stumble upon a zombiecum-werewolf beast, the ensuing fight is more about flight, asking you to think hard about survival rather than go in guns blazing. OUT: FEB 2015 96

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14 Bloodborne The developer of the Dark Souls series, From Software, has revealed a gory, Medieval-set horror game that is on its way to the PS4. Filled with intense gothic and pagan imagery, it is due for release in 2015. Not much more is known, although the visuals are lush and it appears to have the same focus on precise melee combat that the developer has become so famous for with Dark Souls. We can also expect some truly massive enemies to defeat. So, more punishment, then? OUT: 2015

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Far Cry 4 We hear this is going to be the biggest Himalayan civil ceremony of 2014

Famous for its exotic locales, the Far Cry franchise is leaving the savannah and tropical islands behind for its fourth instalment and heading to the Himalayas. This brings a whole new atmosphere to the game, though the core open-world action remains intact. As you go up against an eccentric ruler – as well as weaponised animals – you’re free to approach encounters however you like – by foot, vehicle, or wingsuit. It looks a treat on next-gen consoles and features full co-op play.

The FIFA series is already so cray and complete, you’ve got to wonder how they can improve it. So, this time, EA is focusing on emotions. Players will now have memories and the ability to recall what has happened previously in the game e.g. who tackled them hard, who failed to provide an assist and will react accordingly. New ball physics and a stack of on-the-ball animations will add to the realism, too. OUT: MIDSEPTEMBER

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Battlefield Hardline

WORDS: CHRIS STEAD

FIFA 15

Batman: Arkham Knight

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Perhaps they should have called this Need for Battlefield Hardline. It seems EA has taken the warfare action of the Battlefield series and added NFS-like chases – a damn cool crossover idea. One team plays the cops, the other the robbers, and you duke it out in the streets, much like you would in a multiplayer Battlefield map – before things get mobile and the chase is on from behind the wheel. It gives the open-world action and destructibility of the series much more focus. The game is already playable in beta form on a PS4 and on PC for those who can get in on the fun. OUT: MID-OCTOBER

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OUT: NOVEMBER 20

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Mortal Kombat X

This next iteration of MK, due in 2015, is fast with the fatal fists. The extra processing power of next-gen really gets things moving and, whether its new characters or new attacks from old favourites, it’s looking better than ever. Fans will also appreciate the super-detailed arenas, which feel alive as they shift and move in the background. And yes, you get to see ribs crack and splinter – this is brutal stuff. OUT: 2015

If you haven’t gotten into the Batman: Arkham series yet, do yourself a favour and Bat-glide into it immediately. The next chapter will hit in 2015 and Gotham has never looked so Got-damned amazing. Developer Rocksteady has really worked on the sense of verticality in the game world, allowing you to climb higher and glide longer. But once you’re back on the ground, the Batmobile totally changes the experience, allowing you to jump into the driver’s seat and rip through the city streets like it’s GTA... except this car can turn into a tank! OUT: 2015

20 Rainbow Six: Siege One of our fave co-op tactical shooters of all-time is back – and it’s playing true to form. You and three friends are tasked with infiltrating and defeating bad dudes in a range of classic setpiece moments, such as terrorist attacks and hostage situations, using a range of high-tech gadgets. There is a real emphasis on strategic, open-world teamwork-. OUT: 2015

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Tech

A = All About (What the f–k is this thing?) B = Bitchin' Because (Why the hell do I want it?) C = Cunning Linguist (How do I get it past the missus?)

Logitech G502 Proteus Core Tunable Gaming Mouse A: Not just ridiculously good-looking, the new Proteus Core gaming mouse is also ridiculously customisable. Designed to be flexible regardless of the game, it has 11 programmable buttons, Delta Zero multi-surface technology, on the fly sensitivity adjustment (from 200 DPI to 12,000 DPI) and dual-mode, super-fast scrolling wheel. B: This mouse is so customisable, there are even five 3.5g weights you can distribute across Logitech’s device to give you the sense of momentum that best suits your needs. C: “I told you we had a mouse in the cupboard!” logitechshop.com.au

Armin van Buuren Philips M1X-DJ A: Electronic entrepreneur and superstar DJ/producer Armin van Buuren has put his name to the M1X-DJ, a portable mixing station. It communicates with software on your iOS device to allow you to physically create and even record your own mix. It generates

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powerful sound, too, and the batteries will last five hours. B: This is just as awesome as it looks. The app you need to run it – djay – is pretty brilliant on its own but being able to queue, scratch, mix, and tweak your library of tunes on actual physical equipment, anywhere you want, is brilliant! C: “Listen to this sick drop, my sweet Bass Baby!” philips.com.au

AEG Powertools 12V Heated Jacket Kit A: Winter is coming… no, wait, it’s been here two months already and we didn’t even notice because we’re so cold and our nervous system is immune to stimuli. B: No one feels the bite of the morning cold more than tradies, what with their 5AM starts. AEG’s wind- and water- resistant heated jacket provides nine hours of warmth and even charges your phone – let’s see your beanie do that! It also happens to be a very reasonable $199 (including battery and charger). C: “This jacket makes me feel warm and fuzzy in a way you never could.” aegpowertools.com.au

Sony Xperia Z2 A: Big, powerful, and featurepacked, the Xperia Z2 hits the smartphone market equipped for business. Bringing Sony’s camcorder and camera tech into the device, it features a 20.7MB G-Lens and the ability to record video in 4K resolution. The large 5.2” screen looks great and fits well in the hand, while the Qualcomm Snapdragon 801 2.3GHZ quad-core processor drives snappy performance. B: Great for the active man, it features noise cancelling technology, it’s waterproof, and it connects to Sony’s SmartBand, which is a multifeatured fitness tracker. C: “Who are you to argue with a Snapdragon?!” sony.com.au

Philips Sonicare DiamondClean Black Edition A: This has to be the most stylish electronic toothbrush we’ve ever seen. The thin, sleek handle feels great in your hand, while the five brush modes – driven by Philips’ own Sonic tech – keep things pretty flexible, depending on your needs. B: This is the royal treatment for

your teeth. The Black Edition is immaculately presented, with the USB-powered carry case an awesome idea for mobile men who want to feel classy while they scrub bits of pizza from their gums. C: “Pashing is probably nicer when my teeth aren’t hairy.” philips.com.au

Platform72 Mr Wolf Clock A: Local Australian artist Lachlan McLaine has built a clock, and it tells the time in a pretty funky way. Bits of art flip as each minute and hour go past. It’s inspired by locations around Sydney and themed with the number it represents. B: Yeah, it just tells the time, but it will add style to your

WORDS: CHRIS STEAD

STM Quantum Bag A: This excellent little briefcase alternative is jam-packed with great nooks and crannies. Things like hidden handles, rotating shoulder straps, reflective strips (for bike riders or late night commuters), and external document holders for boarding passes and passports speak to effort and thoughtfulness. Inside, separate padded areas for a laptop and a tablet exist, and a second large

compartment is available for things like gym clothes or lunch. B: We’re massive fans of the STM bags: they’re built well, comfortable to carry, look the goods, and protect the hell out of all your important tech, with foam-cushioned interiors and water resistant coating. C: “The My Little Pony backpack you got me is LAST SEASON!” stmbags.com.au

pad, and, watching the mix of photos, collages, old paintings, propaganda posters, and computer-generated graphics flip around is strangely mesmerising. C: “A keen interest in the arts and I’m on time. I’m perfect boyfriend material!” platformstore.com.au

SOL Republic Relays A: What does one want from one’s exercise earphones? To make you look good naked would certainly be a plus but tech isn’t that advanced yet. Would you settle for comfort, locked-in-edness, and thumping sound? OK. B: The Relays won’t fall out of your ears – they fit snugly, without discomfort – they will cop sweat and water when confronted by it, and if you happen to have a bass fixation, these little devils will transform any banger from an audio file to an in-ear clubbing experience, which will get you through the last set with fire in your eyes. C: “Best of all, I can wear them in the shower and listen to my Morning Self-Love Playlist.” solrepublic.com/relays

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PHOTO: HARPER SMITH; STYLING: ZOE GLASSNER/ CELESTINE AGENCY; HAIR: SIENREE/CELESTINE AGENCY; MAKE-UP: ALEXIS SWAIN/CELESTINE AGENCY; MANICURIST: TRACEY SUTTER/CLOUTIER REMIX. BIKINI: ONE TEASPOON; HEELS: CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN; NECKLACE: STYLIST’S OWN.

Tired of people scrawling penises into the thick layer of dirt and grime that covers your car? Eliminate that problem for good with the Detailer’s Choice H20 Magnum, the AK-47 of soap-and-spray car wash guns. The Magnum’s high-pressure, multi-use nozzle annihilates all unsightly filth, while its extra-long barrel allows you to hit spots that other, less well-endowed tools cannot.

Super Soaker

with a tool

Woman

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In certain American states, women will not only participate in bikini car washing but even clean your vehicle topless for an extra few bucks.

Style Summertime Blues Warmweather fabrics combined with precise tailoring make for hot-looking suits that still work in winter

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HIM: Ermenegildo Zegna suit, shirt, and tie, zegna.com. Fratelli Rossetti printed lizard shoes, fratellirossetti.com. HER: Flagpole Swim swimsuit. Alejandro Ingelmo shoes.

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HIM: Canali silk-linen suit, cotton shirt, and silk tie, canali.com. Louis Vuitton shoes, louisvuitton.com. HER: ViX Paula Hermanny bikini bottoms. Gucci sunglasses.

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HIM: BOSS wool-mohaircashmere suit, cotton shirt, and silk tie, hugoboss.com. HER: Calvin Klein swimsuit, vintage. Gucci Boule bracelet from beladora.com.

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MEN’S STYLING: STAN WILLIAMS; WOMEN’S STYLING: MARK GRISCHKE; PHOTOS: MICHELE LAURITA; HAIR: PETER SAVIC/THE MAGNET AGENCY; MAKE-UP: FRANCESCA TOLOT/CLOUTIERREMIX; MANICURE: EMI KUDO/OPUS BEAUTY USING CND; TAILORING: STANLEY HUDSON; STYLING ASSISTANCE: ANNA GALLE

HIM: Calvin Klein bonded wool suit, cotton shirt, and silk tie, calvinklein.com. Vince Camuto socks, vincecamuto.com. Hermès shoes, australia.hermes.com. Zadeh one-of-a-kind 18kt-gold cuff links with pavé-set rubies, zadehny.com. HER: ViX Paula Hermanny swimsuit. Jerome C. Rousseau shoes. BALLY woven ski tote.

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HIM: Burberry London Millbank suit, burberry.com. Calvin Klein shirt. Marwood silk tie, marwoodlondon.co.uk. hook+ALBERT Tourmaline cotton pocket square, hookandalbert.com. HER: Obi Cymatica shoes.

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BLURREDLINES Awesome skin? You know you want it. Snap up one of these blur creams and it’s yours in seconds, no matter how hard the hangover might be 1

WHERE DO I USE THEM? Anywhere you want, (that’s on public display): face, neck, chest. No, they won’t erase a hickey. They’re not that magic.

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3

4

HOW DO I USE THEM? Just smooth it on your dial after you’ve applied your daily moisturiser. Alternatively, you can just strategically blend it into your major problem areas. Throw it in your gym bag, too. It’ll tone down any postworkout redness.

4 Clarins

2 Garnier

Perfect Blur Smoothing Base Perfector, $16.95 This packs a punch with pearlised light reflectors that rapidly reflect light in random directions, to nix the signs of sleepless nights and sloppy skin care.

1 Indeed

5

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laboratories Nanoblur, $29.99 Optical prism technology gets busy minimising the appearance of pores, as well as reducing lines, textural damage, and unwanted pigmentation.

3 L’Oreal Paris

Revitalift Magic Blur, $24.95 G’day, sexy skin! That’s what you’ll be saying upon application of this instant skin smoother. It boasts a combination of light-reflecting pigments and polymers to even out the bumps on your mug.

Instant Smooth Perfecting Touch, $38 Just as Spakfilla creates a clean, smooth wall for painting, this beauty works a charm on open pores and lines, giving you a smoothas dial. It’s also oilfree, so gets a handle on any through-theday shine.

5 Lancôme

Visionnaire 1Minute Blur, $60 Like your girlfriend does when she’s trying to make you understand girl stuff, this simplifies things to create a basic, easy finish. It softens lines and open pores, it smooths uneven skin tone, and it amps up the radiance in your skin. Get it on your face.

WORDS: SHONAGH WALKER; PHOTO: LUKE SHADDOCK

WTF IS A BLUR CREAM? It’s a cream that instantly blurs away signs of a big night out and/or exhaustion-related ageing. think: fine lines, wrinkles, open pores, or any other skin texture abnormalities. Think of it as a personal Instagram filter, except in a tube.

SUBSCRIBE NOW! DELIVERED TO YOUR DOOR

SAVE OVER 30% 12 MONTHS = $74.95

Subscribe to for 12 months and get more than 30% off! BOOM!

PHOTO: PASCAL HEIMLICHER; STYLING: TA-BOU BEACHWEAR

MAXIM.COM.AU/SUBSCRIBE

PREFER A DIGITAL SUBSCRIPTION? SEARCH ‘MAXIM AUSTRALIA’ THROUGH ONE OF OUR DIGITAL PARTNERS. MAXIM.COM.AU 109

Woman W rld OF THE

MISS BULGARIA FORMER BEAUTY QUEEN SLAVENA VATOVA, 25, WISHES US A HAPPY BIRTHDAY BY TAKING HER TOP OFF

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I only chop onions when I’m not wearing any make-up.

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Woman W rld OF THE

Do you still have your Miss Bulgaria crown? My mother looks after it. The one I keep is from the Miss Tourism International contest – I wear it every day in front of the mirror. Just kidding!

THIS IS A GREAT SHOOT. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT WOULD STOP YOU FROM POSING FOR MAXIM AGAIN? Whenever I get married and have children – that would be a STOP sign for such pictorials. SO YOU’RE SAYING WE SHOULD KEEP OUR FINGERS CROSSED FOR YOU NOT TO GET MARRIED? Ha! Yeah, I guess you could say that. Marriage is off the table for now! YOU’RE CURRENTLY STARRING IN A BULGARIAN TV SHOW. IS THAT SOMETHING YOU’VE WANTED TO DO FOR A WHILE? I’ve had two big dreams ever since I was little. One was to be on TV and the other was to become a comedian. I love to laugh and joke around. The cool thing is that my current role involves both of those dreams. OUTSIDE OF BEING BEAUTIFUL AND HILARIOUS, WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? It might sound a bit cliché to you guys but I enjoy cooking. I don’t like doing the messy

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housework, but preparing a gourmet dinner is one of the best feelings ever! EVER CHOPPED ONIONS? THAT SUCKS. I only chop them when I’m not wearing any make-up. WHAT FOOD DO YOU THINK GETS DUDES IN THE MOOD? To be fair, I cook whatever my boyfriend wants. Just last night I made him a tuna salad and a spinach/zucchini mix. That doesn’t sound so seductive, does it? SOUNDS AVERAGE, TO BE HONEST. HOW DID YOU TWO MEET? Love at first sight, believe it or not! It was just like the movies. YOU PROBABLY HAVE GUYS WILLING TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, RIGHT? Yep, that happens. SO WHY WOULD YOU GET INVOLVED IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP?! Because it makes me happy! How could you ask something like this?! PARDON OUR GAUCHENESS. DID HOMEBOY GET LUCKY ON THE FIRST DATE? I was wearing exquisite lingerie... but he didn’t get to see it.

PHOTOS: IVAYLO STANEV/CREATIVE HALL; ASSISTANCE: VALENTIN DANEVSKY; STYLING: BILYANA GEORGIEVA - BIBA; MAKE-UP: ROUMEN CHAKAROV; HAIR: ZHORO PETKOV

YOU FIRST CAME TO THE ATTENTION OF THE BULGARIAN PUBLIC WHEN YOU WERE 17. HOW LONG IS A MODEL’S CAREER OVER THERE? That depends. Someday I could pose for some anti-ageing cream, who knows?

I was wearing exquisite lingerie... but he didn’t get to see it.

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The diminutive comic’s flick, Ride Along, is out on DVD this month. Also? He’s about to die So, how do you want to go? I want to go out like I came in: naked and screaming, until someone stuffs a titty in my mouth. Do you have any deathbed confessions? Help! I’m f–king dying! Your latest stand-up special is called Let Me Explain. Before you go, anything you would like to have explained to you? Yeah. Why in the hell can’t the Philadelphia Eagles ever win the f–king Super Bowl? Will you be going to heaven or hell? I will initially be sent to hell, but they’ll soon find out that I don’t meet the height requirement. It’s a wellknown fact that tall people are evil.

Which deceased comic would you be most excited to see perform in the afterlife? I would love to see Robin Harris do his thing. The more important question is: who would be my date to the show, Aaliyah or Whitney Houston? If you get to heaven, are you still 157cm, or do you get to choose your height? First of all, I’m 5’4” [163cm]. Secondly, that is an awful rumour being spread about me, that I’m only 5’2”. Thirdly, I don’t

have a third statement. I just know you always have to make a third point when you’re counting out points. Was there anyone on Earth you wanted to punch in the face? I want to punch the midget who robbed me when I was 12 years old. I really liked that bike. What’s your last meal? Twelve chicken wings, with blue cheese, fed to me by the one-armed stripper I met in Cumberland, Kentucky. I never knew that you don’t need arms to strip…

While you were alive, what did you spend the most money on? Very expensive designer shoes to hide my very ugly feet. What’s the wildest thing you ever did while you were alive? I ripped that tag off of a mattress. What woman did you always want to sleep with? The lady at the DMV [Department of Motor Vehicles]. I love women with attitude. Describe your funeral. I will have a chocolate waterfall that fills my coffin and Milli Vanilli rapping a 2 Chainz song. Everybody has to come wearing polka dots. Got any last words? An unemployed court jester is nobody’s fool.

ILLUSTRATION: ANDY MACGREGOR

Will you still perform stand-up there? I performed in a bowling alley before – while people were still bowling. Cut the

cheque and I will perform anywhere.

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