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The three-time Maxim cover cutie dishes on bubble bath attire and communicating with the dead. We're guessing you're way more interested in the former! 1 64 1 lcon: HUBhIackm,n WolvtrilU' himsel f spills his guts about opening wounds on sel and Ihe joy of Speedos. BvPnotnt F.ATON

I 66 I The Ultlnuote Geek Hem. GW6I Our scwnd annual movie Iss ue(eleb~tes all thai is sci-Ii, superhero. fantuy, and undeniablydorklasl ic. We sClt1e your most emba~g disputesabout the coolest

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Summer HDV" Cheat ShHt Which blockbuslerswill blow and which will own t he box office t his summer' We've gal the inside dope. and we're tell ing the whole dam n world t

176 I ,.. And the Gnk Shall Inherit the Earth Producer-director 1.1. Abrams, t he geni us behind test, CWverN1d, and Melj. t.lckle& thai most sacred of sci·fi cows-StarTrdwith his big·budget reboot. BvI.OGANHII.I.

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Ute in the fast Lane

Jordana Brewster, the babe behind the wheel in Fast & Furious, has her sights set on being a Bond girl. Spoiler alert I Bv IIIUttGINSllfRG

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Our second annual issue dedicated to all cool things cinematic celebrates geek gods like J.J. Abrams, Warwick Davis (Willow himself!), even Optimus Prime.

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The Hot 100 is almost here, but who will be this year's champ? Two-time winner Eva Longoria-Parker? Jessica Alba? Find out as Maxim.com counts

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AA ' l Z SHOT GU. Thi, ~w,somdy «~ry military prototype spits 300 ,,·g.uge rounds per minute with pr~'tk~ll y .. 10 =011. Alre;tdy the subject of YouTube videos and a fawning "~ite·up in Th. N.... Yorl:tr, it's destined to unl.~sh hell on whoeveT with us next. H.~T that. C.n;tdal

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The Checkup Sorting through the cinematic heap. The Soloist Robert Downey Jr, isa j:>urnalist who becomes buddlts with Jom .. Foxx's home~ schizo musical prodigy. Th" Informers

Author BreI Easton Ellis' '8Os drug and clubOf'uvre mmplete!Oitsdnematic journey to pure OO'5la1gia RadI Ghosts of Girlfriends Pan On the eveo! his bro's wed-

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36 MAXIM .

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OVR TAKE

Tho! bonding betwe-en octlng heavyweights Downey Jr. and Foxx may trIsBel a newfourod appr edation for t he sympt.:>ny ...Or your local burn.

Like a lemal:e of Less Than Zero, but this time there's more drugs. more bisexual rt y, and Mickey Rourke!

Iold up-a chick flkkcombined with the 2.487th "homage" to A O1rlsfmas caroll Sorry. Kiltty, you1l have to bu:st these ghosts without us. j

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52 M AlnM

• MAY;!009

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RiskyBusiness

o Top Gun ['986) The Scene: After a totally OW! gay afternoon o f sh irtless volleyball wit h his f1 yboy buddies, Maverick(TomCruise)realizeshe'slate fordi nner wit h Charlie (Kelly McGillis)--again,rwf gay, because it's short for Charlotte. He shows up to her house drendied in sweat, and a fter she denies his request to use her shower. theye ... t. When she offers herself to him for dessert, he ...dedines. Nope, 1101 gay. His idea is to leave her in a panling. sexually frustrated heap on her couch so she'll pine for their next encoun ter. Sec} Not gay! The Attempt: Unlike Maverick, my goal is to actually have sex. However. there's not a whole lot of beach volleyball being played in Brook· Iyn in March . so instead 1 don a snug.fitti ng wh ite V-neck Hanes tee and run to my girl· friend's house. where she's cooking for us.

The Scene: Unrealistically hot hooker Lana (Rebecc ... De Mornay) gives nerdy high school senior Joel (Tom Cruise) t he rideof his lifeon a deserted. late-night Ch icago El train. Tl\eAttempt: In the movie l.an.. tells }oel .. boul her train-to-O-Town plans u]>,fron t. So after dinner and a few drinks, I broach I hetopic. She goes forit immediately, and we're giddy with an ticipation by the limewe hop .. n !!I'.M.commuter l rain from Manhattan back to the burbs. We Ilick a rear car, where fewer riders si t, and choose seats against the restroom wall so we can keep a lookout in fro nt without bei ngspotted from behind. She stealth ily removes her stockings and underwear. and about 40exCTUdating minutes later, whe n the (ar has em]>' tied 10 just a couple of sleepy passengers. we get to work: 1 unbutton my fly, she hikes up her skirt, we drape her coat across ourselves for cover, and she slides herself onto my 1...1' reve rse..:owgi rl-sty Ie. The Re action: Abject termr. It would t ... ke ... lot more than one phone c... ll to explain this if "'"t got arrested. After a few thrusts (elapsed lime: ... oout five seconds). we've h ... denough. She climbs down and finishes me offwth an undeNhe..:oat HI. bul only after1 promise to see all three Twilight sequels with her. The verdict: Thrilling in a scary·sexy ....'ay. but probably besl left toactual hookersanddrun k· en foo]sdesperate to spice u ptheirdrearysuburban existences. Oh, wait .- Palrick Estel

Luckily, s he lives several miles away, so by t he time ] show up, I'm bot h late for dinner and disturbi ngly sweaty. Tile Re liction: She's more annoyed about the sweat than the tardiness. In an att em pt todis· tract her, 1 hookmy iPod to her stereo and put on Berlin's ~Take My Breath Away." because it's the Top Gun love theme. And I:>ec .. use it's so h... untingly beau tiful. I begin to put the moves on her, but she'S not having it. "Urn, even your shins arc sweaty," s he informs me. St ill, she's powerless 10resiSl my mus1cycharms,andsuggests we take a shower together. When I ask her to "soap u p the highway to my danger zone: s he looics al me blankly--but the shower is quite enjoyable nonetheless. All cle... n. we tumble in to bed and seal the deal. The Verdict: If you have a need- ... need for speed-don't attempt the TopGun method; it takes way toogoddamned long. But t he calories you'll burn will get you in greal shape for the vOlleyball season.-Ky Hend('lWl1. •

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Life's a Pitch The authorof Sleepers on the 20 minutesof heaven and hell that could make you a millionaire. he room is where it all hap·

pens. If you are a writer or "producer trying to score a deal in Hollywood. you aTe not hing if you can't win it all in the room. It iswhere a fortunc cOIn be made or what was IhoughllO be a

great idea isground into tine dust in less Ihan 20 minutes, including Ihe cheery hellos and the muted goodbyes. Careers are made in the room, reputationsare shimmiedand polished, and then, when it heads sou th , it is the pl",e where once in-demand writers and producers are shunned; if they ,Ut r!'JeTTed 10.11 all, it is in the pilst tense. You either live in the room or

you die Ihere. There is no middle ground, onl y the magical wonder of a big n il' or the silent haze that follows a sour meeting_ Anything that is seen on a screen, big or small. begins in the room, and it all stans with thepitch- :rom inut es to tellthestoryyouwant to sell in {ront o{ an audience of studiofnetwork executives and their noteolaking assistants .The pressure is intense; theodds heavily stacked against a sale. (Quick math: You areone of 10 pitches th ey'll hearthilt day-one of 2,&00

they'll hearin ayeilf competing forthe 1200r so deals made.)A cough. a stifled yawn, a shrug. is ...11 it can take to kill the momentum of iI pitch and seal its doom. llovethe room. ltismyVegas, mychance to go in with emptypockels ... nd comeou! closing an inside straight, leavingwith a seven-figure deal in my back pocket. ~'y personal favorite pitch-room story is when Joe Eszterhas, writer of Basic Instinc, and Showgirls--not to mention Sliver and Jade......ume up with a story about a presidential candidate who h ... san affair with a cow. Yes, an actual cow. Think thilt's strange, demen ted, funny maybe! Or just really bad? Well, guess whal? Someone liked it enough to pay Joe a hillf million for il. Some pitch meetings involve writers jumpi ng around iIS they fC(i Ie long, in t rical e stories. but there are legendary sales that went down in seconds. When pitching the movie version 0( Dragoo, producer David Permut silen tly milrched into the room, sat down, and simply hummed. "Dum de-dum dum."The exec just looked ill him and said, "l)Qit."Seven seunner ,net's thin air, ~is fac~ and eyes bulging and inflating into an oo"llngeesy mind·fuckery, we'r~ forc~ d to .tifle our inherently nerdy n~ to shout at th~ scr~n w~h our

B I G ~ ES T

nasally ..oices: ~B« IIsh ~l The re'~

no scr~aming on Mar~l" RunnelS'up: • outlMld 1984 • :W01:A S~Odyn~1C)68

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• Sunshine '007 • ~ Impact 1998

I\TE R;ALACTICASSHOLE

GENERAL ZOO '''0 Superman

THE SHIPS

Mllennium Falcon fought th~ Enterprise, well, th~ Falcon h3$I3$~rs,

~If th~

which,you know, wer~ lik~ 100 yers t.efor~ I(ork. We~ got ph~l And 3$ far lIS I know, there ...~ no photon torpedoes on th~ Falcon, Hal"

"That's not a fai r com~rison! The F~ kon is a -r small ~ icl~.lt could dodge what.....er the Emerprisethrcw at it, sure, but it would be h...O-p~ to do any da......ge. An Imperial Sl3r OestrO)'ee foam like butt~," BKk ..ylint.

O Hask Tape down a series of thin, horizontal lin .. on the visor of a motorcyde helmet. Then spray ~ack. WI1en you pull off the t.pe,you'li be able 10 s~ through t!>ose lin ... Klnd of. Glue visor 10 a ski ,""sk.

O Weaponry Douse a toy S"o'OOrd in chrome spray p>lint. Guns are a dffferent story. "Toy guns look fake, so get an Alrsoftguntheyre wI1ere it's .t," BKk says. Now you know. And knowing" half the batde.

The brain behind Buffy, AngeL Serenity; and Dollhouseon what's gcx:x1 in the intergalactichm

1 / Spateships In Trouble

Z/ Tough

Nothing-and I me.n nothing-get. me into a theater fast~ than a torn-up .hip with a t'MOurcelul cr~. Tbe brnth· taking scope and tbe cramped, mundane interiors-it's li ke crnck. Ju.tthinking • bout what" going to happen in tbe airlock (.nd something wi ll) mak.. me giddy.

~memt>..r lhe

70 MAXIM .

MAY lOO9

Women scene in WorkingGirlwl1ere Sigoum~ We.W!r kid, that .Iien'. as.? No,YOU 'lUre don~. Long before little autry picked up a stake, women in science fiction were getting ~ done. AAd now we h.W! Milia . D""r, o.ar Milia.

3 / Famous Actors in the Ghetto

4/ Ughtsabers

5/ Robots

6 / Locations

7/ Kurt RusseU

Christian Bale in Equilil>rium. Hurt and Oldman in Lost in Space. Sir Ben in ...W~I, dIImn, this goes all the - t bad to Slipstre.m. E~ber their .tar" (perhaps temporarily) on the wane, orthey wanted • p.ycl>eck, or they dig sci·~, but ~'.fun to s~ the biggun. in tbe little mov ....

Whatever else he dOd wrong. George gave u. tbe mo.t cinematic, my! hic.I, elegant, and oddly comforting tool in sci·~ hi.tory.

Who are we? Where do_comelrom? What" love? I. humanity worth ...... ing? Who monitor. tbe birds? We all a.k these questions, but none more poignant· Iytl>an people wI10 can remove their own faces. Also, they can ren'lOW! their own faces. And occasion· ally ours. BotHUIe.

Tbe sign 01. cbeap sci·~ movio (and those are tbe best ones)isagood location. Th~,"n' afford to build .nything. so the ruture Os SOme aauhaus monstrosityor desert village. T.rsem', vastly un~t31ed The Fl llis probablytbe best. It's all.bout the (pun!) .pace.

add up, but cbed< out Kurt ""lding t be ser~n with all 01'5 words in tbe ~Im. Then cl>eck out hi. d~p comedy chops in tJ>e ma.ter· ful SOy I-Irgh. Then ched: out his entire Carpenter oe\IVfe. He is the King of tbe a's . and up toanything ~setl>at get. thrown at him. The real deal.

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• • ••

" wake up, Mr. frodo. I'm about 10 ride you like

a Pegasus."

MOST CO\SPICUOUSLY~AY DUOS FRDDDAND SAMWISE INTHE 10TR TRILOGY 'oo.~, Th ..... lwo furry· foot...:! "fri~ndeart onest: TJ>e $\oryof a self. involveen Sommers said. 'let's ma ke SOme guesses a. 10 wI1..-e lechnology is going.' Hopefully Ihat'11 be fun for ev..rybody." (Aug",17) •

YEARDlIE

WJ>en Ihey decidOe didn~ disappOint," (ro""" P ~WmWns Diet.. I$aac AsImov. St~~ passion~te support that when th e studio considered cancelingit after its second season, devoted fans mimicked Felicity. rut off their hair, and sent their locks tothe studioin protest. Hot off that su"ess,Abr~ms found himselfin unfamiHarterritory: taking a beatingon

'rrek Vias

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the Internet. Almost four years before getting the chance to breathe new life intoSlarTll'k, Abrams was attempting to reboot the ultimate superherofranchise,Supmnan. Averyearlydraft ofthe script had leakedilnd the online fan boy tree house AintitCool News.com attacked. "A disaster of nearly epic proport ions: the blogger Moriarty ranted. "You'll believe a franchise can suck!" Spurred on by the post, the site's

scatological commenters raged with the passion only spurned geeks .lnd hardened prison inma tes (;In musler: "A hulking ball of shit ,"Call it The Advmlurno(Shilman" "Talk about raping childhoods. __ • A filmmakerwhodoesn', understand his audience might fume, or cower, worried that the fanboys wauld sink the project before it got made. But Abrams just collled up the si te's Jabba-like proprietor, Harry Knowles. In a follow.up post, Knowles calmed the angry nerds_ "He knows what tosay to a geek like me:wrote Knowles. before writing his own sycophantk review, assuring fans t hat "the TONE. t he CHARACTERS, the SPIRIT, the rEEU NG you get from this script from the beginningto theveryend is SU PERMA N." "I learned a 10( from that," says Abrams. "There was a momen t when a fan said that because of the script- which he of course had not readmy family should be killed. But the truth is, I am beholden tothe fans, and they are not my fans. They're fans of genre and storytelling.. so [feel like we're an ultimately fans oft he same t hi ngs." [n 2001 Abrams struck again wit h Alias, soimpressing Hollywood that Tom CruiseandAbrams'heroSpielbergaskedthewunderki ndtowrite the screenplay for War aftheWarlds. Ama7Jngly,Abramsdedined, worried that hcwas "blowing my wholccareerright now, because you don't say no to these guys." But he was st retched- he was busywit h Alias and developingwhat would soon be his biggest hit, Lost. Oneyearin Abrams left LoSI todirect M:13. 1t was the most expensive fi lm ever handed to a first·time director, and ult imate[yeamed $395 million. Abrams was growing SO powerful that he wuld even get a green ligh t for a mysterious monster movie to beshot in New Yorkwith very few eff«ts, When Clowrfidd's first trailer debuted, it drove fans crary without even a name-just shaky handheld camera footage, .l dose of 9/1 Ldread, and those magic words: "From Producer 1.1. Abrams." CIavo:rfield was felicity meets Godl:ilill, and Abrams' brilli.mt marketing campaign helped make the film a hit, earning 1168 million off .. budget of just SlS million. 8y th e ti me Trd- came his way, hewas standing astride Ihegcekosphere. ln a sta rk departure from hisSupm,umdrubbing.. when Abramscut a new trailerin March forTrd, Aintlt CooINewsannounced.: "New SfARTREKTrailer _GooeyGeekasm (Now In Gig.. n toGeek{)ee!!f "He s till seems like this little kid playing make-believe with a cam era," saysChris Pi ne, who p[aysCaptain Kirk . "He's Iiter.. lIy .. magician," adds Zachary "Spack" Quinto. "He did card tricks between sho(s." Piner«alls t hat one day Abrams spent all his time between sets fiddlingwith musicon his MacBook. "A friend of his dropped by and found these separate t racks forlfuo\Vhitt Album: drums, bass, and so on," he

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says. "SO J.J. was fuckingaTound onGarageBand wi t h origi nal Beatles recordings, rem ixingt hem h imse[fwhiledirecting a scene and liv!':-challingwi t h Tffkfanson his laptop. II's kind of infuriating how much he has going on. You lookat yourse[fand think, What thefuckam I doing?" John Cho, who plays Su[u, adds, "He could honestly dO.lny jobon a fillll set: cos tumes, makeup, s()«ial effects." "There is a strange surreaHty to being a grownup, h.. ving a job, hav· inga f.Jmily, .Jnd m.lking a Hving doing exactly the sallie shit I did when [was 10 or I I ,' says Abrams, who lives in I.os Angeles with his wife, Katie ~IcGr.lth,a PRexeculive he met in 1994. and t heir three chi ldren. "Only now. ins tead of faking explosions, I actw[1y get to work wi th a pyro(4 .I>4AYlOO9

p...-donmircar and spray-paint I IONKY uPSon the side, Chase: They have no idea.They're sowhite.They have no idea how to relate to inner-city black people, The scene is played very broadly. " Roll 'em up" You couldn't really roll up the window, because there wasn't one. If you look closely. you'll see the window doesn't go up, D'Angelo: We were the dopes. Sure, there was certainly a lack of a PC element to it. But we were the ones who were idiotic. Chase: About a month ago, my wife and I weredrivingbackfrom Columbia University, trying to get on the highway, We pulled into the wrong area, and there were these inner-city African-Americans drinking beer and hanging out, and itwas at a dead end, late at night , l actUolllyopened thewindow and said, "Hey, homes: and these twoguys who were there just stolrted laugh ing immediately, Insisting he can still go another 1oa miles, Clark I ries tomah up forlosl timeand ends up falling asleepat tlu> wheel prompting aclassic '8os-style stu nl -driving sequence in which hedcposits thecarpe1ectly in lhe motel po rking lot, Ofl(e in the mot d, weare treated t another hallmark 0('8OS comedy:.9ra tu ilous nud ity. fUen Hn.9eTS in a shower stal! latherin.9 herself with a washcloth until Clark re-crootes the murder scene from Psycho, witha OOfUlrlO. D'Angelo: I thought it wasgreat.1 didn't think itwasgratuitousat alL Simmons: Anthony '" ichael Hall was about 14 and shewas in the stall and we'regctting ready toshoot the shower scene, and there's '" ichael six feet olway from her. ) gra b bed him by the shoulder and said, "Get the hell out of here I" Hall: Iwas totally tryingtosneak a peek. Yeolh, of course. She had a n ice rackl I'd say it in front of her now, Was I conflicted that she was playing my momlYou knowwhatl At times I was. Usually when I was running lines in her trailer with her.

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"Beverly had anice rack!Was I conflicted about her playing my mom? Yeah, at times I was" that you're not supposed to kiss your dad like that. BlIt I don't think I knew the fllll shock value o f incest. r knew we didn't do it in my house. Honest. Barron: I understood what the implications were because you can see my face-I was like, ~Huh ?" But still,l wasveryinncx:ent at that age . The "pot master" showed me the box of weed that's supposed to be Cousin Vicki's stash. and tothisday I don't know ifjt was real. In !he{ibn's most no! orwus seq uenu, !he Griswolds check in on £lien's £Ousin Co! hmne and her husoond, f dd ie, and theida rge white· trash brood, indud ing ayoung Jane Krakowski (currmtlyof 30 Rock fame) inCoolidge, Kansas. A9ain, thmare harsh elements of dass division, played for uneasy laughs. fdd ie's insu rUlU: e has been wnce/ed, and his family has bt't'll reduced t 0 smokin9 weed, irues! UOllS Frmch kissing, and chronk masturootion. Ramis: The movie was taking place during the Ronald Reagan era, so I thought of Eddie's family as the Reaganomics family, victims o f his economic policies. It was a Grapes o(Wra!h kind of moment, too. Eddie wasTom load who didn't leave. Chase: Randy really pulled it together for me. I got it right away when n hesaid," l bet youwulduseawldone. and then handed metheswill of his own beer. I knew right there what kind of character I was dealing with. Every time 1 asked Randy to do a Vacation after that. he would initially say no. He's really working on more serious stuff.

Quaid, OswoId,' route and ~ irts with Clark from t he wheel 0(h1.'T red Ferrari. Christie Brinkley: I had noambition to act . 1 jllst figured it'd really be fun to be a part of the wholething.Almosteverysceneweshotendcd with me gunning my motor and charging off aheadofChevy's car. So I'm trying to make sexy eyecuntact with Chevywitholll laughing. while drivi ng parallel to hiscar and hardly looking at the road. while wiggling my shoulder arOllnd so thetopofthe dress is halfoff. 1Lallghs 111took q uit e a lotof l alent. Hall: I was that kidwho had theSports/Uuslrated swimsuit issue that cameoutevery Februa ry. That was the wet dream, shooting a movie with Christie Brinkley. She came out by the pool one day. and you could hear the porn music in my head. I was like Judge Reinhold in Fa>t Times at Ridgemont High. The Griswolds and AlInt Edna stop to have a picnic lunch near Colorado. Brinklty also slops; she plays t he radio and begins 10 dance. Clark, in the midst of rotin9a bologna-and-cheeSO'sondwkh,per(omtSan . .

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impromptu fl'ot i( dame with it, si mu!at ing cunnilingus t (IJune Point fI' 's •Little BoyS weet .• Chas e : I was just talking to Christie about that two nights ago over at a party at Billy Joel's. She brought the scene up. How funny it was. I didn't realize she'd ever gotten it. It was sort of a joke between me and a couple of friends, what I was really doing wi t h thaI sandwich. Clearly, she did gct it . I'm almost embarrassed. Brinkley:That scene is so funny.. .! wasso far ilway from him when I was doing t he scene; I really cou Idn'l see all t he intricacies. Rut when I saw I he movie and saw him give his li tt le sa ndwich th at special kiss, I thought thaI was such a fun touch.

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